not a right, but a privilege

quite a while back, i had the epiphany that we have no right to be sad.
we are extremely blessed compared to the african kids who have neither food to eat nor shelter from the rain and the cold cold nights.
so what gives us any right to complain about anything?

yet, sometimes (and this is getting less frequent, almost rare, which is a good thing), sometimes, when i think certain thoughts, my eyes well up in pain, i feel my face cringe slightly, my heartbeat switches to a heavy throb, and my footsteps, if any, slow down gradually to eventual nothingness.
and i think i often picture myself standing on the seashore or the bank of a vast lake.
when one stares out into the distant nothingness, it becomes easy to wonder how we let it all slip away.

really wonder how long it will take me to fully let go of this.
every once in a blue moon i delve back into this issue and swim around in its murky waters for a bit.
despite closure for that brief respite, it was so readily taken away in a split second...
guess i was living an illusion for that short period.

anyway, got this urge to just be somewhere else now.
listening to the waves and maybe pondering the vastness of our galaxy.
but 3 weeks to exams so such a luxury is not possible ):

sigh, how ironic haha.
it seems like i have neither the right nor the privilege to feel any form of sadness.


愛已不能動
還有什麼值得我心痛？
想你的天空
下起雨來

你怎麼捨得讓我的淚流向海？
付出的感情永遠
找不回來