love hurts

i had a dream today.

in the dream, we were in a group, and someone was showing us pictures of navy crew on board a ship.
the story was that one of the crew had been constantly haunted by a female spirit, and they were showing us how she often appeared in photos of him.
she would be behind him, next to him, and even lying beside him when he was sleeping.
her postures were eerie, and so was her face.

however the thing was, as i looked on, it only started to seem like i was looking at myself.
although i couldn't see the face of the man (it was blurred out for some reason), i was pretty certain it was kinda' me in a way.
then when the presenter explained the underlying background to the story, i was completely sure that the man wearing the blue navy uniform in those photographs, was me.

after that realization within the dream, the face of the female ghost kept flashing out at close proximity, coming nearer and nearer to me each time.
i panicked and called out for my mom.
and she came, entering my room... and suddenly the scene had switched into one similar to what would happen when i was young: i'd have a nightmare and mom would come into the room and tell me it was only a dream.

however, in this dream, she came in and asked me why i was still calling out for her. and she explained how it has already been so long...
so why was i still thinking about such things?
with that, she left the room and i woke.

i can only deduce that my subconscious revealed itself in my dream.
obviously, i have been hiding all these thoughts and feelings deep down inside.
and the true question that has surfaced now is, why?
i know it has been quite some time already, yes.
and i know that i should be moving on, for it is only foolish to keep dwelling on the past... but it seems like i'm still stuck there.

all i can say is i really just want to be able to start anew.
they say everyone's gonna hurt you eventually so you gotta find those who are worth it.
but i ask, is there really any one such person?
someone who will truly be worth the pain?

somehow this annoying unwavering stupid flicker of a hope in me always burns yes.

sigh.


tonight we drink to youth
and holding fast the truth
don't wanna lose what i had as a boy
my heart still has a beat
but love is now a feat
as common as a cold day in L.A.


sometimes when i'm alone i wonder
is there a spell that i am under
keeping me from seeing the real thing?


love hurts
but sometimes it's a good hurt
and it feels like i'm alive
love sings
when it transcends the bad things
out of heartache, try me
'cause without love i won't survive