regrettables

[regrettables (econ.): consumption items that do not directly produce utility]

it's true that psychologists cannot read minds.

no one can for that matter...

however, behaviour definitely speaks for itself.

the tell-tale signs are salient, conspicuous to the eye.

and having made my observations, i'll accept them.

honestly speaking, i'll feel sincerely sorry if what i've done in the past did not live up to standards.

one might deny implying that, but we're all entitled to our own opinions.

and similarly, i will respect the opinions of others, only hoping that in return they might respect mine.

furthermore, i believe that personally, i'd discharge my duties to the best of my abilities, and more specifically, at any point of time in the past, i would have made informed decisions and chose the best course of action that i deemed fit.

it may not always have been the best choices that i selected, but damn it no one can see into the future.

as long as we attempted to do the right thing in the best way possible, i think that would have been enough.

no one could ask for anything more than that.

either way, what's done is done and cannot be changed.

we all have our regrets in life.

but the only thing that matters is what we choose to do now.

hope this makes sense.

i wake up

it's a bad dream

no one on my side

i was fighting

but i just feel too tired

to be fighting

guess i'm not the fighting kind

wouldn't mind it

if you were by my side

but you're long gone

yeah, you're long gone now

dark rider

lately i've been experiencing a familiar feeling, one that was almost omnipresent during the entire course of my NS, and especially so during my time at 1SIR.

and i can't decide whether this is a good or a bad thing, but i suppose it doesn't matter.
every building needs its supporting pillars, otherwise how would the skyscrapers reach the clouds?
likewise, every rainbow 6 team of three needs two soldiers to cover the surroundings while the point-man picks off the enemies.
and of course, every good soccer team needs a good defensive four and 1 x solid defensive midfielder to do the dirty work in order for the front players to be able to work their flair + creativity.

in the end, it's really not we who are underneath, but what we do that defines us.

i only need to answer to myself.
to be satisfied with what i do as a person.
and to be deserving of my own respect.

first and foremost.

i've made my mistakes
i've seen my heart cave in
i got my scars
i've been to hell and back again
born for the blues skies
we'll survive the rain
born for the sunrise
we'll survive the pain

the sound of you and me

had a rather enlightening weekend?
with new insights regarding issues of maturity and fate.
being the bigger person and a better man.

but if we regard ourselves as mature then isn't that being childish in itself?
or when we wish not to have any expectations, is that an expectation in itself?
similarly, are we being naive to think that we're not naive?

these three are just a few of the many conundrums that continue to baffle me, but;
i seem to have a clearer and more stable view on life now.
which should come in handy now that schoolwork is kicking in and i'll need to get a good hold/grip on the important things in view.

we'll see how long this lasts though... :|

in other news, i had a really nice warm-ishy/cosy weekend at home.
lunch with the family and then homecooked dinner...
seeing my cousins, nephews and relatives, really put a fuzzy feeling inside of me.
appreciate moments like these.

are you there, putting all the words together
painting your new masterpiece
ocean air, carrying reminders of that
perfect pair we used to be
changing keys, giving up on me to find
familiar things, and try blending in
know this please; i will not forget the sound
of you and me, when we were friends


someday, everything ends
can we begin finding a way back before
we're too late
and lost in between
the truth and the dream
i've never been more ready to move on


bring walls down
hear all my sound
let me back in
love me again

personal hypocrisy

sometimes i think we self-convince ourselves that we're happy, in order to mask the fact that we're not.
a kind of personal hypocrisy if you ask me.
true story?

and you ask me what i want this year
and i try to make this kind and clear
just the chance that maybe we'll find better days


'cause i don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days


so take these words
and sing out loud

why georgia

i am driving 85 in the
kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom


four more exits to my apartment but
i am tempted to keep the car in drive
and leave it all behind


'cause i wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life


am i living it right?
am i living it right?
am i living it right?
why, why georgia, why?


so what so i've got a smile on
it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
don't believe me
don't believe me
when i say i've got it down

captain ________

in a movie that i watched yesterday, a special serum was used to enhance a man's capabilities.
and this man was chosen not because he was strong, but because he had good in his heart.

therefore, in this respect, not any ordinary person could be chosen.
because a selfish and coward person would only be amplified into a worse person.
but good would become great.

and that got me thinking.
what if it were me?
what would i become then, if i were amplified?

it's interesting how food for thought can make you hungry as well.
as burning curiosity fuels the hunger for an answer.

i guess it's luck but it's the same
hard luck, you've been trying to tame
maybe it's love, but it's like you said
"love is like a role that we play"


but i believe in you so much
i could die for the words that you say


you're chasing the ghost of a good thing
haunting yourself as the real thing
it's getting away from you again
as you're chasing ghosts


just bend the pieces till they fit
like they were made for this
but they weren't meant for this
no, they weren't meant for this

anti-rush

sometimes rushing in head-first can be a good thing.

like when you impulsively purchase the first pair of shoes that catches your eye, thereby saving you the torment of walking for a few hours searching for and comparing many many different pairs of shoes.
in a sense, it saves you a lot of headache and stressing over small little things... weighing all sorts of factors, overthinking, and trying to come to compromise and all that nonsense.

however, on many other occasions it's still better to wait things out, think things through and not make a reckless decision based on little information.

it has been a pensive night.
but at the end of the day i believe i'm still an advocate of anti-rush.
if you wanna' do it, then let's do it right, right?
or at the very least, be certain about it first.

"so give me reason, to prove me wrong." - linkin park


it's you to me, your gentle face
overdue, worth the wait
out of my reach, but i'm reaching out for you


and me to the night, i say goodbye
time is up, i fight the time
a needed award, i can't afford
a finished song, one more chord


and it's already in my mind
i'm in over my head inside
and it's already in my mind
inside, inside