这些年

it has been a testing week.
with my left ankle multiplying my travel-times by two.
no motorbike aka no transport to and fro school/home.
and perhaps work is piling in, now that it's week 4 (hope everyone's coping well).

anyway on thursday, after psych stats 2 lab and sensation perception lecture, i experienced an intense mental exhaustion after a mere 4 hours of lesson.
and for lack of a better phrase, my brain just felt extremely 'knotted up', entangled and unable to function.
in the end i logically deduced that the cause for this experience was a lack of water that day.
however, i still felt highly susceptible over the weekend, occasionally drifting in and out of this 'mood'.
it's hard to explain, but kinda' imagine restlessness, an unwillingness to do anything, inability to think or make sense of much... you're unable to make use of much mental function, and it's nearly impossible to have any form of coherent thought pattern/process/pathway.
perhaps it's jadedness, but i can only speculate...

next week shall be an even more testing week i suppose.
now that the doctors have finally decided to confirm the existence of a fracture, it seems that my recovery has been delayed.
not only that, i'll have to be more careful and cautious from now on, which means life decreases in excitement and basically becomes much much more boring.
my initial hope that this injury might bring about an increase in studying time and subsequently better academic performance has now been blotched by the above point i mentioned about jadedness and restlessness.
instead, now i find that i have a lot more time to just sit around listening to music, looking at the night scenery and just feeling dejected and depressed about life in general.
haha gotta' find a way to regain focus whenever this happens, however i suspect it won't be easy.

finally...
it's been quite a while since we last spoke.
honestly this is something that bothers me constantly but i've been able to live with it i guess.
i mean, how tragic is it to no longer have any form of contact with somebody you used to be so so close with in the past? and yet now you don't even have an inkling about their lives and how they're doing.
so yesterday night i confirmed something that i roughly kinda' knew all along but couldn't really know for sure.
and that only served to remind me of the cold hard facts.
nevertheless, it has been made known to me recently that i continue to live in the past even though the truth has been placed so obviously in front of me.
which is sad but i really don't know how to deal with this.
i cannot deny that i often playback the happy memories in my head and filter out the bad ones, probably why i hardly am able to feel happy today, due to comparison.
coupled with the fact that based on the hedonic treadmill model (can't wait to learn more about this in social psych), i think i have a very low default level for happiness, therefore i really need to find a way to increase positivity asap.

argh i still have quite a lot more to say, about music, lyrics and some other related things but this post is getting too long so i shall just stop here.

好想再回到那些年的時光
回到教室座位前後　故意討妳溫柔的罵
黑板上排列組合　妳捨得解開嗎
誰與誰坐他又愛著她


那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳　擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳