benefit of doubt

how often do you give someone the benefit of the doubt?

do you prefer to look on the brighter side of humanity?
or do you choose to be part of the more cynical faction?

from the way i see it, i believe i'm still currently leaning more towards the latter.

however, that is something i'm currently in the process of changing. (P.I.P.)


i watch as the daylight crawls
past the shadows hanging on the wall
it's been a long time since i felt the stain
of yesterday getting in my way


i'm alive but tell me, am i free?
i got eyes but tell me, can i see?
the sky is falling and no one knows


it shouldn't be hard to believe
shouldn't be this difficult to breathe
the sky is falling and no one knows


you leave me hanging on, only to catch my breath
i got you and i got nothing left
don't leave me all alone down here
with myself and all of my fears


no one knows
no one knows

vulnerable

songs lyrics can be so apt sometimes.
which is why we fall in love with certain songs, and yet can never relate to others.

first 5 songs on my randomized itunes today:
- vulnerable
- we'll never know
- fall in love with you
- shadows and regrets
- 爱我别走

how much can you tell about someone just by looking at his/her itunes playlist?


share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
because it's cold outside, it's cold outside
share with me the secrets that you kept in
because it's cold inside, it's cold inside


and your slowly shaking fingertips show
that you're scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone


and i know you may be scared
and i know we're unprepared
but i don't care


your smile makes me see clearer

black holes and revelations

come into my life
regress into a dream
we will hide
and build a new reality

draw another picture
of the life you could've had
follow your instincts
and choose the other path

you
should never be afraid
you're protected
from trouble and pain

why?
why?
is this a crisis?
in your eyes, again

come to be,
how did it come to be?
tied to a railroad
no love to set us free

watch our souls fade away
and our bodies crumbling
don't be afraid
i will take the blow for you

i've had recurring nightmares
that i was loved for who i am
and missed the opportunity
to be a better man

the butterfly effect

ever heard of chaos theory?
how the presence of a butterfly, in a particular location at a particular time, can lead to a hurricane being formed?

well basically, it's all about how one small thing can result in a chain of effects, eventually leading to a whole other series of consequences... much like a "pay it forward" effect.

so picture a chain effect.
or more so, many many chains of effect...
picture many positive chains, as well as negative chains.

positive chains spread positivity from one person to another.
while negative chains, as the name suggests, work in the other way.

and that's how the world goes.
each morning, many different chains start moving...
originating from each and every individual.
moving in different directions.

example 1
a positive chain originates from A, dictating A to be in a good and helpful mood in the morning.
A meets B, and treats B to breakfast because B forgot to bring his wallet out.
B feels grateful and starts looking on the bright side for that day.
B then meets C, and offers to help C with her upcoming assignment even though he has to sacrifice lunch.
C is touched, and the kind act puts C in a good mood.
the positivity subsequently spreads on to D, E, and F etc.

example 2
a negative chain originates from F, putting F in a foul and bitter mood in the morning.
on the way to school, F meets E and makes a snide remark, insulting E.
this pisses E off, and E goes into a bad mood for the rest of the day.
E meets D during a scheduled meeting later on.
however, throughout the entire discussion, E remains black-faced and does not contribute anything.
D is annoyed, and so on and so forth.
this negativity spreads on to C, B and A etc.

THE THING IS, you'll never know where these chains might end up at the end of the day.

for example, sometimes you find situations where positive chains meet negative chains.
like, when you help someone out of goodwill, but the receiver does not appreciate your kindness and instead, gives you attitude.

in such a scenario, the chain MIGHT remain positive...
or it may well end up turning negative instead.

on the other hand, a negative chain might meet a positive chain.
such as somebody in a foul mood meeting a kind soul who lends a helping hand in the name of pure altruism.
it is likely that in such a case, the negative chain converts to a positive one.

at the end of the day, it all boils down to you and your choice.
would you wanna' start a positive chain in the morning?
or a negative one?

every small act of kindness goes a long way...
why be angry and make others angry too? (lose-lose)

i'd rather be happy and spread it out, far and wide. (win-win)

你说对不对？

祝我生日快乐

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么，让我诚实一点
诚实难免有无法控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁

一个人坐在空的包厢里面
手机，让它休息一夜
难，想切割切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点

生日快乐
我对自己说 
蜡烛点了
寂寞亮了
生日快乐
泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切

还爱你
带一点恨
还要时间
才能平衡
热恋伤痕
画面重生
祝我生日，生日快乐

afterglow

here i am
lost in the light of the moon, that comes thru' my window
bathed in blue
the walls of my memory divides, the thorns from the roses
it's you and the roses

touch me and i will follow
in your afterglow
heal me from all this sorrow
as i let you go
i will find my way, when i see your eyes
now i'm living
in your afterglow

here i am
lost in the ashes of time, but who owns tomorrow?
in between
the longing to hold you again, i'm caught in your shadow
i'm losing control
my mind drifts away, we only have today

touch me and i will follow
in your afterglow
heal me from all this sorrow
as i let you go
i will find my way, i will sacrifice
till the blinding day, when i see your eyes
now i'm living
in your afterglow

when the veils are gone
as i let you go
as i let you go

bathed in blue
the walls of my memory divides, the thorns from the roses
it's you who is closest

first and foremost

it's been almost 2 years since i last touched my army things.

and so it begins, the 1st cycle of reservist training (out of the 10 in total).
really hope it'd be fun...
meeting up with the men again and all.
quite nice receiving the late call from my mg gunner, asking me to go back to take the mg team instead of section 1...
personally i'd rather that happen as well, but that's not my choice to make.

oh well no internet no fb no twitter no msn.
no outside food.
no latenight suppers.
no chilling with friends/bros.
perhaps it's a good change for a while?

and actually, i've lots more to say here...
but due to procrastination and last-minute packing i won't have time.
hope to sleep soon so as to get 5 hours of uninterrupted rest before in-pro tomorrow.

see you guys back on the 15th...

loyalty to country
leadership
discipline
professionalism
fighting spirit
ethics
care for soldiers

first and foremost, _____!

when all i have is on the floor divided, divided
when i'm a world away from peace
behind your eyes is where i know i'll find it, i'll find it
'cause who you are defines my dreams


heaven in the here and now

overthinking, underbelieving

i was thinking, overthinking
'cause there's just too many scenarios
to analyze
look in my eyes
'cause you're my dream please come true

i can't deny this anymore
the facts ignored all done before
and if there's one in this world
let me know you're not that girl

i was sinking, lower sinking
'cause i lost the things i held on to
they let me think a thought
a thought that i would know was not
of seeing my dream come true

don't touch the positive, with the negative end
don't touch the positive, with the negative end

sad happy songs

the kelong trip was pretty relaxing.
even though i didn't really think i'd enjoy the trip... (due to various reasons)
i guess it turned out surprisingly therapeutic.

2 days away from civilisation (and any form of communication with the outside world) does give one a bountiful amount of time to reflect.
on the past, the present, and the future.
imagine being on a wooden platform in the middle of the sea, 40 mins away from shore by boat, with just basic necessities. even the freshwater we had was limited and had to be delivered to the kelong in huge barrels daily.
really the fisherman's life.

all in all, i felt it was a good experience, fishing and chilling.
listening to my ipod at night, watching the vast expanse of darkness that lay ahead, listening to the sound of the  endless waves crashing against the wooden stilts below, while waiting for any hopeful tug on the fishing rod in my hands.

also, i realised that my emo playlist doesn't fully comprise of sad songs.
there are happy songs...
but happy songs that i used to listen to during those times.

happy songs, sad songs...
happy sad songs, sad happy songs?

i'll always look back
as i walk away
this memory will last
for eternity
and all of our tears
will be lost in the rain
will i find my way back
to your arms again?


but until that day

homecooked food

been really busy lately.
with psych camp from monday to friday...
also, the sleep debt incurred from that...

i guess i learnt quite a bit from psych camp though.
about other people and a little more about myself as well.

perhaps it's time to take a different view in life...
a new perspective once again.

anyway, to the main point of this blogpost...
i realised that lately i havent really been at home much.
the past few days spent in school with psych camp...
also, the next two days going to the kelong trip with l4sw dudes.

think we should really slow down and appreciate the little things around us.
like homecooked food for example.

never take the comfort of homecooked food for granted.
the smell of rice coming from the cooker.
xiao bai cai fried in garlic and oyster sauce.
fried onions amongst steamed fish.
and the aroma of soup that is brewing.

too often in life we take things for granted...

身在福中不知福。

we're sheltered... singaporeans.
our homes, our parents, the luxury of having a roof over our heads, our clothes, our food.

think about those who do not have these...
those who are forced to eat out all the time.
those who live in poverty.
even those malnourished kids in other parts of the world.

homecooked food really is such a blessing.
so let's not take it for granted (: