ygolohcysp esrever

i've had quite a few people coming up to me recently, telling me their problems, and asking me for advice, opinions, views etc.
sad people with problems; some heartbroken, others just unsure about certain things.

there's a huge range actually.
some really pour out deep secrets, whereas some simply just wanna' chill with music, or like go out on a bike ride in the wee hours.

and perhaps, it's just 'cause i'm the "emo dude" that people go to in such times, or perhaps (and hopefully) this simply means that i am generally becoming more approachable on the overall.
which is good, i believe.
i think it can be considered as a subsection of the PIP?

plus anyway it's nice to be the person people go to in their times of need.
(okay not always but you get the gist)

it's pretty cool to be sitting in my room with the desklight on, hand under my chin and nodding occasionally while my so-called 'client' sits on the bed and confides.
i wouldn't dare put a wager on my future occupation being anything like this though.

it started with a low light
next thing i knew they ripped me from my bed
and then they took my blood type
they left a strange impression in my head
you know that i was hoping
that i could leave this starcrossed world behind
but when they cut me open
i guess i changed my mind

understood

just a random thought.
when someone is said to be understanding, sometimes he/she doesn't really understand anything.

understanding - adj
1. sympathetic, tolerant, or wise towards people
2. possessing judgement and intelligence

i think many a times, people with point no. 1, unfortunately, do not have no. 2.
:\

enchanted

here's one of jon mclaughlin's best.
piano can really sound so awesome at times.
okay, almost all of the time.


you're in my arms
and all the world is calm
the music playing on, for only two
so close together
and when i'm with you
so close, to feeling alive

a life goes by
romantic dreams must die
so i bid mine goodbye, and never knew
so close was waiting, waiting here with you
and now forever i know
all that i want is
to hold you
so close

so close to reaching, that famous happy end
almost believing, this one's not pretend
and now you're beside me, and look how far we've come
so far, we are
so close

let's go on dreaming, for we know we are
so close
so close
and still
so far

spaceman

i have this OCD thing going on where i simply must have 10 posts a month, or at least a multiple of ten 'cause it makes things seem neater this way.
and right now it's the 25th so that means i'm behind in my schedule!
(if you take the average rate to be roughly 1 post every 3 days.)
and so i'd better do some catching up even though it's been a swampy week with the gloomy midterms approaching.

now... admittedly, sometimes i post lyrics as blogposts.
and this has drawn a certain amount of flak from readers because apparently it just doesn't count as blogging.
haha but i beg to differ.

music is such a big part of our lives.
'cause without it, i think we couldn't survive.
and many a time we chance upon a particular song that just captivates us...
with its tune, its beat, its lyrics, its heartfelt words.

sometimes it just has to be shared!
and besides, somehow, whatever you wanted to say/blog about was beautifully encapsulated in that particular song.
although your audience might not understand the true underlying meaning of how exactly you relate to the words of that particular song, i believe that as long as the writer does, that's all that matters.
and hopefully years down the road, when we look back and read these posts again, we might have a faint recollection of why we chose to share that song.

this is just a reminder, and a tribute, to how big a role music plays in my life.
jamming, singing, playing the guitar.
randomly sampling songs on youtube.
chilling with the ipod amidst the mundane drone of public transport.
awesome stuff.

p.s. this blogpost is titled 'spaceman' in memory of alfi the company medic while i was still serving my time in 1SIR bravo coy. talented guitarist; he used to jam and sing in the bunk till late at night (:
incidentally, 'spaceman' is also the title of an awesome killers song.


and you know i might
have just flown too far from the floor this time
'cause they're calling me by my name
and they're zipping white light beams
disregarding bombs and satellites
and that was the turning point
that was one lonely night


the songmaker says "it ain't so bad"
the dreammaker's gonna' make you mad
the spaceman says "everybody look down"
it's all in your mind

embrace or repress?

i just spent half an hour, trying to put my wildly wandering thoughts neatly down into this blogpost.
'cause it struck me today, this question.

should we embrace being ourselves, or repress this so-called innate behaviour just because the world says that it isn't good for us?
wouldn't that be lying to ourselves and somewhat forcing the truth down under the carpet?
and besides, we all know that it will eventually surface and come to light someday.

anyway, i wrote quite a lot of gibberish...
unstructured thoughts in poorly formed sentences.
but then i chose to delete the entire chunk and fill the space up with this instead.

haha i think it's pretty apt man.
and it really sums up what i've been trying to say about repressing the truthful honest words.
we always replace them with the facade that we'd rather the world see.

oh and the dream i had this morning just backs me up like nobody's business.

she's outta' my hands
and i'll never know where i stand

unspoken words, intangible hurt

don't lie and say that it's okay
it's alright if there's nothing more to say
so i'm running away
i'm leaving this place


don't tell me i'm the one to blame
it's too late for you to make me stay
no i won't stay
so i'm running away
i'm running away


and faster than you can follow me from this lonely place
and farther than you can find me; i'm leaving
yeah i'm leaving today


and i, i'll never let you find me
i'm leaving you behind with the past
no i won't look back
and i don't wanna' hear your reasons
don't wanna' hear you tell me why i should stay


and try, try to understand me
try to understand what i say when i say i can't stay
i, i'm moving on from this place
i'm leaving and i won't quit running away

fireworks

looking at old photos just puts so much emotion through me.

some make me happy, some sad.
ah, that feeling of nostalgia...
knowing exactly where that particular scene took place, what happened, how i felt at that moment.

just so happened i chanced upon a photo as my itunes played out the lyrics from fireworks by you me at six.
"remember when you were my boat, and i was your sea? together we'd float, so delicately."
sigh it was so apt i was taken aback for a few seconds there, kinda' just... lost.


oh well, so much for trying to stay positive these past few days.
anyway i just had to type this out otherwise it'd be impossible for me to fall asleep.

So this is the end of you and me
We had a good run and I'm setting you free
To do as you want, to do as you please
Without me
Remember when you were my boat and I was your sea?
Together we'd float so delicately
But that was back when we could talk about anything


'Cause I don't know who I am
When you're running circles in my head
And I don't know just who you are
When you're sleeping in someone else's bed


Three whole words and eight letters late
That would have worked on me yesterday
We're not the same, I wish that could change
But it can't
And I'll say your name and in the same breath
I'll say something that I'll grow to regret
So keep your hands on your chest and sing with me
That we don't wanna believe 


So it's true what they say
If you love someone, you should set them free
Oh, it's true what they say
You went and threw it away


I don't know who you are

every t is a w

i turn the music up, i've got my records on
i shut the world outside until the lights come on 
maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone
i feel my heart start beating to my favorite song
and all the kids they dance, all the kids all night
until monday morning feels another life
i turn the music up, i'm on a roll this time
and heaven is in sight


i turn the music up, i've got my records on
from underneath the rubble, sing a rebel song
don't wanna' see another generation drop
i'd rather be a comma, than a full stop
maybe i'm in the black, maybe i'm on my knees
maybe i'm in the gap between the two trapezes
but my heart is beating and my pulses start
cathedrals in my heart


as we saw oh this light
i swear you, emerge blinking into
to tell me it's alright
as we soar walls
every siren is a symphony
and every tear's a waterfall


is a waterfall
ah
is a waterfall
ah ah ah
is a waterfall
every tear
is a waterfall 
ah ah ah


so you can hurt, hurt me bad
but still i raise... the flag


every tear
every tear
every teardrop is a waterfall

+ > -

it's really just a basic mathematical equation ain't it?

+ > -

essentially, positive always outweighs negative.
i.e. be positive!
(:

why mope around when we can be cheerful?
either way, the days still go by without regard.

∴ shall make this my new mantra, to be recited daily.

when everything is going wrong
and things are just a little strange
it's been so long now
you've forgotten how to smile


and overhead the skies are clear
but it still seems to rain on you

这些年

it has been a testing week.
with my left ankle multiplying my travel-times by two.
no motorbike aka no transport to and fro school/home.
and perhaps work is piling in, now that it's week 4 (hope everyone's coping well).

anyway on thursday, after psych stats 2 lab and sensation perception lecture, i experienced an intense mental exhaustion after a mere 4 hours of lesson.
and for lack of a better phrase, my brain just felt extremely 'knotted up', entangled and unable to function.
in the end i logically deduced that the cause for this experience was a lack of water that day.
however, i still felt highly susceptible over the weekend, occasionally drifting in and out of this 'mood'.
it's hard to explain, but kinda' imagine restlessness, an unwillingness to do anything, inability to think or make sense of much... you're unable to make use of much mental function, and it's nearly impossible to have any form of coherent thought pattern/process/pathway.
perhaps it's jadedness, but i can only speculate...

next week shall be an even more testing week i suppose.
now that the doctors have finally decided to confirm the existence of a fracture, it seems that my recovery has been delayed.
not only that, i'll have to be more careful and cautious from now on, which means life decreases in excitement and basically becomes much much more boring.
my initial hope that this injury might bring about an increase in studying time and subsequently better academic performance has now been blotched by the above point i mentioned about jadedness and restlessness.
instead, now i find that i have a lot more time to just sit around listening to music, looking at the night scenery and just feeling dejected and depressed about life in general.
haha gotta' find a way to regain focus whenever this happens, however i suspect it won't be easy.

finally...
it's been quite a while since we last spoke.
honestly this is something that bothers me constantly but i've been able to live with it i guess.
i mean, how tragic is it to no longer have any form of contact with somebody you used to be so so close with in the past? and yet now you don't even have an inkling about their lives and how they're doing.
so yesterday night i confirmed something that i roughly kinda' knew all along but couldn't really know for sure.
and that only served to remind me of the cold hard facts.
nevertheless, it has been made known to me recently that i continue to live in the past even though the truth has been placed so obviously in front of me.
which is sad but i really don't know how to deal with this.
i cannot deny that i often playback the happy memories in my head and filter out the bad ones, probably why i hardly am able to feel happy today, due to comparison.
coupled with the fact that based on the hedonic treadmill model (can't wait to learn more about this in social psych), i think i have a very low default level for happiness, therefore i really need to find a way to increase positivity asap.

argh i still have quite a lot more to say, about music, lyrics and some other related things but this post is getting too long so i shall just stop here.

好想再回到那些年的時光
回到教室座位前後　故意討妳溫柔的罵
黑板上排列組合　妳捨得解開嗎
誰與誰坐他又愛著她


那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳　擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳