OAOA

我相信 苦涩的眼泪

我不信 甜美的誓言

我相信 音乐就该音乐

我相信 爱情的纯粹

我不信 华丽的诗篇

我相信 热烈的争辩

我不信 无声的和谐

我相信 秒秒的瞬间

我不信 年年的永远

我相信 摇滚就能万岁

快张开你的嘴 OA OA

再不管你是谁 OA OA

人生都太短暂

别想 别怕 别后退

现在 就是 永远

出生的那一年 OA OA

转眼就这一天 OA OA

人生都太短暂

去疯 去爱 去浪费

和我 再唱 OA OA OA

she is

do not get me wrong, i cannot wait for you to come home

for now you're not here and i'm not there, it's like we're on our own

to figure it out, consider how to find a place to stand

instead of walking away, and instead of nowhere to land

this is going to break me clean in two

this is going to bring me close to you

she is everything i need that i never knew i wanted

she is everything i want that i never knew i needed

it's all up in the air and we stand still to see what comes down

i don't know where it is, i don't know when, but i want you around

when it falls into place with you and i, we go from if to when

your side and mine are both behind, it's indication 

this is going to bring me clarity

this'll take the heart right out of me

she is everything i need that i never knew i wanted

she is everything i want that i never knew i needed

this is going to bring me to my knees

i just want to hold you close to me

incomprehensible

if it's wrong to be honestly concerned then i don't think anything else can even make sense anymore.

i can't even begin to say how baffling it was... try as i might, i am unable to understand why, and i only wish that my true intentions could have been more apparent.

then again, aren't they all the time?

it's too cold outside

for angels to fly

and an angel will die

covered in white

closed-eye, and hopin' for a better life

this time

we'll fade out tonight

straight down the line

idealistic fool

whenever i am blessed with the opportunity to own something perfect, i swear i'd give it the best care and protection it deserves. i'd keep it safe and far away from harm, and keep it just the way it is - perfect.
and i'd always want to keep it that way, shiny and unblemished...
with each time i set my eyes upon it again, it would trigger the same elation and joy that i initially experienced when i first saw it.

i would really hate to see the first signs of wear and tear, when they appear.
even be it a tiny scratch underneath where people would hardly notice.
and many would just say that "oh it's just a small scratch that can't be seen... don't worry about it."

but no, i cannot accept that.
it's simply giving an excuse, which will only lead to more and more excuses in the future.
constantly telling yourself that "hey it's just this one time..." will not help the matter, and in fact, i believe that it will only lead to increased tendency to let your guard down and then make up more excuses when scratches occur again.

in the end, the effort to maintain your perfect object just diminishes to a near zero.
and then, what happened to that drive in the beginning?
worse still, what happens to the poor object?
it just slowly crumbles, and the cuts become longer and deeper with each additional time it is dropped... touch wood it shatters completely.

which is why i have always made the conscious effort to not loosen my grip on such matters, because it will only result in terrible things to come. we stop caring, we stop making the effort, we lose the sense of responsibility we once had, we become apathetic to something that is in fact so very dear to our hearts.

so, am i too idealistic?
and is it too much to ask for?

it's unrealistic to keep something perfect forever.
but i refuse to give up these stubborn efforts of mine.

all i want is to protect my dream come true.

虽然眼里没出现泪滴，

但心里的雨却其实下得很大，

很大。

vanilla twilight

the stars lean down to kiss you

and i lie awake and miss you

pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'cause i'll doze off safe and soundly

but i'll miss your arms around me

i'd send a postcard to you, dear

'cause i wish you were here

i'll watch the night turn light-blue

but it's not the same without you

because it takes two to whisper quietly

the silence isn't so bad

'til i look at my hands and feel sad

'cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly

i'll find repose in new ways

though i haven't slept in two days

'cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone

but drenched in vanilla twilight

i'll sit on the front porch all night

waist-deep in thought because when i think of you

i don't feel so alone

i don't feel so alone

i don't feel so alone

as many times as i blink

i'll think of you tonight

i'll think of you tonight

when violet eyes get brighter

and heavy wings grow lighter

i'll taste the sky and feel alive again

and i'll forget the world that i knew

but i swear i won't forget you

oh, if my voice could reach back through the past

i'd whisper in your ear

"oh darling, i wish you were here."

run

i'll sing it one last time for you
then we really have to go
you've been the only thing that's right
in all i've done

and i can barely look at you
but every single time i do
i know we'll make it anywhere
away from here

light up, light up
as if you have a choice
even if you cannot hear my voice
i'll be right beside you dear

louder, louder
and we'll run for our lives
i can hardly speak, i understand
why you can't raise your voice to say

to think i might not see those eyes
makes it so hard not to cry
and as we say our long goodbyes
i nearly do

light up, light up
as if you have a choice
even if you cannot hear my voice
i'll be right beside you dear

louder, louder
and we'll run for our lives
i can hardly speak, i understand
why you can't raise your voice to say

slower, slower
we don't have time for that
all i want is to find an easier way
to get out of our little heads

have heart my dear
we're bound to be afraid
even if it's just for a few days
making up for all this mess

light up, light up
as if you have a choice
even if you cannot hear my voice
i'll be right beside you dear

love sings

tonight we drink to youth, and holding fast to truth

don't wanna lose what i had as a boy

my heart still has a beat, but love is now a feat

as common as a cold day in LA

sometimes when i'm alone i wonder

is there a spell that i am under

keeping me from seeing the real thing?

love hurts

but sometimes it's a good hurt

and it feels like i'm alive

love sings

when it transcends the bad things

have a heart and try me

'cause without love i won't survive

tethered and abused, i stand naked and accused

should i surface this one-man submarine?

i only want the truth, so tonight we drink to youth

i'll never lose what i had as a boy

love hurts

but sometimes it's a good hurt

and it feels like i'm alive

love sings

when it transcends the bad things

have a heart and try me

'cause without love i won't survive

without love i won't survive

acceptance

sometimes i really hate it that i'm this way.

but then what?
do i fight it?
detest it?
or accept it?

we are who we are.
if we don't learn to accept ourselves, who will?

in a sense, i have no choice but to accept this part of me.

yet, the matter of fact remains.
i don't like it.




i cannot hold this anymore
my hands are tired of only waiting to let go
and i am waiting, still

没那么简单

attended the lecture today on affect and cognition.
and learnt how people who are generally predisposed (as compared to contextually influenced) as affectively negative, are more likely to engage in systematic processing.

which may serve to provide a reason as to why i always have to read through every detail meticulously (slightly OCD-ish) and make a thorough and well-considered decision, instead of relying on heuristics and making snap-shot judgments.

therefore, it may seem that i can be said to be someone with general negative disposition.
but anyway i don't think this is anything new :\

something else i took away from the lecture was the mood-as-information effect, where we take our current moods and affective states, to serve as evidence from which we can draw conclusions and make judgments about various scenarios/targets. for example, a study showed that asking people to rate their life satisfaction on sunny vs rainy days, resulted in significantly different findings.

consequently, the first thought that came to mind was how to make use of such an effect. and clearly, mood can quite easily be manipulated (e.g. via music, deliberate thoughts, exposure only to selected stimuli etc) in order to "deceive" the self into believing that life is better than it really is.

and i believe that such deception can be quite easily achieved.

however, constant suppression isn't without its occasional leaks.
and the title of this post clearly sums up the state of the matter.

on the other side

put your hand in mine

can you read the signs?

i'll never lose you

i couldn't choose to if i tried

put your faith in me

what will be will be

some things i know and

i know that you were meant for me

i don't know where the ocean meets the sky

don't know why the world keeps spinning by

don't know why the hours move so slow

babe, when i'm with you, i don't wanna know

wanna feel your feet lifting off the ground

i wanna feel you love me at the speed of sound

babe, it could end tonight, but know it would be alright

'cause i'm gonna love you

somewhere on the other side

and i will be there for you

be there to shelter you

anywhere you go, you know i will be

i don't know why the stars fall from the sky

i don't know why the heavens open wide

don't know where the winds of change will blow

but when i'm with you, i don't need to know

你说呢?

[刚刚才发现，今天是26号。这样子，一个月慢慢地过了。]


你说呢 明知你不在 还是会问
空气 却不能代替你 出声
习惯 像永不愈合 的固执伤痕
一思念就撕裂灵魂

把相片 让你能保存 多洗一本
毛衣 也为你准备多 一层
但是 你孤单时刻 安慰的体温
怎么为你多留一份

我不愿让你一个人 一个人在人海浮沉
我不愿你独自走过 风雨的 时分
我不愿让你一个人 承受这世界的残忍
我不愿眼泪陪你到 永恒

你走后 爱情的遗迹 像是空城
遗落你杯子手套和 笑声
最后 你只带走你 脆弱和单纯
和我最放不下的人



你说呢 明知你不在 还是会问
只因 习惯你满足的 眼神

every breath

been listening to "every breath" by boyce avenue for the past two days, and although i didn't really like it very much at first (because i thought the tune was too mainstream), in the end, the lyrics must have gotten to me. also, there's a nice acoustic version available, which is more of like, my type of feel.

when hanzong listened to the song for the first time today, one question he asked me was how i interpreted the song's lyrics. almost immediately after, he clicked on the "story behind the song" link that appeared at the end of the youtube video.

and even though i had not seen the meaning behind the song at that point in time, when the words flashed across the screen, it all seemed to fall so aptly into place. to which he said, "oh no wonder you like this song so much la."


"i think at some point we've all found ourselves alone and separated from friends, family, or loved ones. in those times, we all have our own ways of coping. what gets me through is believing that the story will have a happy ending. this song was inspired by the one person that my happy ending has always been built around. it's about being separated from the people you love most in life, but knowing that, in the end, they'll always be there with you."

- daniel manzano

http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_54518&feature=iv&src_vid=CrF7wdD5NxE&v=FjrbHq3JmJw

you're waiting on a minute hand

in a countdown that lasts for days

but i'm here to tell you it won't be long

before i'm here to stay 

'cause when i needed a place to hang my heart

you were there to wear it from the start

and with every breath of me

you'll be the only light i see

trees

standing on the rooftop this afternoon, i looked out into the distance at all the ports, buildings, and mechanical "giraffes", when suddenly i realized the amount of trees that actually existed there.

now instantly i knew that all these trees belonged to the west coast park areas, but i had never noticed them with such a form of clarity before... it was almost like a new perspective to me, and i figured that foreigners who were able to share my view, would probably exclaim on how green a city singapore is, with all of its lush greenery existing within and together with the urbanized areas.

much like how we turn to and rely (sometimes over-heavily) on mental schemas, my mental image of the view from block C's rooftop was always all about the ports and the grey overcast skies, the limited view of the ocean, the occasional red glow from the setting sun through the cirrus clouds, the little cars and buses passing through pasir panjang road. whenever i stood there, these were the things that formed the bulk of my impression of the area, and i would largely only focus on these.

(a similar example would be when one looks at a picture of an airport, one would focus on the planes, the runways, the control towers... and less of the service sheds, the cargo trucks, or the large open-air carpark, because all these are less likely to be construed as the important features in an airport scene.)

anyway, it just all kinda' hit me in a "new perspective" sort of way.
i never truly acknowledged their (the trees) existence until now, and you could say i was never really this fully aware of their presence. and as i stared closer at them, noticing the leaves and their shades and their forms, i started to appreciate them fully. although they were never truly noticed, they always played such an important role in the bigger picture, silently and steadily standing there against the currents of time... just waiting, breathing, and being.

it made me miss all the little things in life that we never truly noticed and appreciated before - but we must be grateful for. and it made me miss just standing there with my dearest, along with the small privilege of sharing the same view as her... it's such a cold, awakening realization to think back into the past, when we could stand on the rooftop and look at the same things, pointing out stuff and sharing the view... how precious even such a trivial moment was.

i, don't wanna' go through this life

without you by my side

and i, have got it all worked out

in my head, here's how it's gotta' be

it'll be you, and me

up in the trees

and the forest will give us the answers

it'll be you, and i

up in the sky

it's a combination for disaster

we, we make believe

in a world we rule together

we, can build our dreams

with a knot tied tight, to last forever

and i know, there's more for us in this life

if we hold on, if we hold on

i know, there's more for us in this life

can we hold on? can we hold onnn

the beacons are lit

to be honest, the past 2 weeks have not been easy for me.
the first few days especially, and perhaps one could say the entire first week in general.

i've really tried quite hard to get to where i am now; to battle out of the pits where i was at my lowest, dust myself off, and carry on walking, step by step. i would say that it really takes effort to put everything back in place, piece by piece... and then after all that is done, one still needs to hold it all together otherwise it'll just fall apart again.

it took effort, but i made it.
i found positivity by the second week, and i held on to it tightly... not only because i know that i need to stay out of the negative zone (in order to avoid experiencing dysfunction in my daily life), but also because i know that i need to be there for certain people... friends who need me.

selfish as it sounds, i had the initial belief that during this period, my friends would be the ones there for me. bros whom i could lean on, people who would support me and give me the reason to keep looking up. i never expected that i would be the pillar that they would lean on instead; i never thought that the roles would be reversed in this manner.
but i tried my best. i stayed strong, perhaps under the self-delusion that i could do it, and that this would be the role i needed to play. after all, they needed the support more than i did... and without me, how would they tide through this period? i couldn't possibly let them down... no, i wouldn't.
i had to help them, and be there for them, amongst my own personal fight.

but then again, even the strongest pillars have their weight limits...
all pillars do.

so unfortunately, i don't think that my pillar is going to be able to stand much longer.
in fact, it feels like i'm only pretending to be strong when the reality is i cannot carry two loads on my own.

furthermore, the truth is, whenever i'm there as a bro and trying my best to help, my efforts just get pushed away or ignored as a result of the opposite party's reclusion. and yet, during the desperate moments, the calls and pleas come in, all of which i cannot possibly turn down.
8 years of friendship isn't for nothing. there's an unspoken responsibility to rise in aid whenever the time calls for it. but there's no way i can help if the other person isn't going to accept it.

right now i feel a little tired of it all and i have this urge to just throw in the towel. honestly, i'm considering giving up at this point, i really am. it really is difficult enough on my side, and i'm frustrated that even though i'm sincerely concerned and always ready to stretch out my hand to help, there isn't much effort to even reach for it.

i ask myself whether i should abandon these efforts altogether, and just retreat into my own fortress for now, holding up inside like how rohan did at helm's deep.

and perhaps i should. take the time off, focus on my own defenses.
after all, it would be highly unwise to send the forces out to aid allies when the base isn't even secure.

yet, when the beacons are lit, one can't help but have the feeling that rohan will answer again, when gondor calls for aid.

the battle of morannon

sometimes it's better to keep silent than to tell others how you feel.

because it hurts badly when you come to know that, although they can hear you,

they cannot understand you.

jet lag

today i finally tore down the daily letter numbered 125, which means that it has been 10 days so far (cue i miss you by incubus).

i'm glad to say that as we move into the double-digits zone, things are starting to look up.
the photos i've uploaded below clearly depict this in an analogous visual fashion - picture 1 was snapped last week, while picture 2 was taken today.

Picture 1

Picture 2

while in the shower just now, i've decided firmly that i'm gonna' get through this.

and even though it may be tough...
i know very clearly what it is, that i want for the future.

all this will be worth it in the end.

what time is it where you are?

i miss you more than anything

i'm back at home, you feel so far

waitin' for the phone to ring

it's getting lonely living upside down

i don't even wanna be in this town

tryna' figure out the time zone's making me crazy

you say good morning, when it's midnight

going out of my head, alone in this bed

i wake up to your sunset

and it's driving me mad

i miss you so bad

and my heart heart heart, is so jetlagged

i wanna share your horizon

and see the same sun rising

and turn the hour hand back to

when you were holding me

listen to your heart

i'm glad that oly and i have started a separate blog, which we'll post in, to keep each other updated about things (instead of e-mails!)
with that said, this blog might be receiving much lesser input because i'll be more devoted to spending my time to write in the other one, that goes without saying...

anyway it's not like i have many readers anyway.
or if i do, then i don't know much about them because they just read and leave without commenting/tagging (haha).

well, i'll try to post some stuff here but that sounds unlikely so let's see what the gap will be like between this post, and the next.

till then,
ben.

and there are voices

that want to be heard

so much to mention

but you can't find the words

the scent of magic

the beauty that's been

when love was wilder

than the wind

heads up

mmm looks like i will be drowning myself more in music more this semester... travelling around nus alone especially, my new full-time companion will be my ipod, with whom i've forged a relationship since 2008.

and so, after sending oly off at the airport on sunday, it was the only thing i was listening to for most part of my journey home. but i felt like it was being a little unkind to me, with the song choices that came up one after the other (it was on shuffle mode).
on the other hand, perhaps it's just that the sad songs have so much more meaning now. and the songs which would have meant nothing on normal days, now just seem to hold more significance in their lyrics.

oh well, at least i can take comfort in the fact that the days leading up to oly's departure were well spent in preparation and all that. most certainly, preparation is important, because without it there is bound to be failure (said confucius). but also, once the boat has been built and readied, one simply has to let go, let it sail out far and wide into the open seas and let nature take its course.

with faith, it will return in the same manner that it had set sail in.


and birds go flying at the speed of sound
to show you how it all began
birds came flying from the underground
if you could see it then you'd understand

a new chapter

yesterday was a significant day for me... a significant moment in my life.

and it hasn't really quite sunk it properly yet.

but the feeling of it all being so surreal, i guess, is slowly creeping in as reality attempts to hit me... i suppose the only way from here is to move on, since after all, we all have to choose to be happy (heard from somewhere during the ndp rally yesterday).

not easy.

there are so many things to say, but it's just impossible to verbalize them right now. even as i sit in my room at 3pm in the afternoon typing this, the skies outside are an accurate reflection of the turmoil and feelings swirling inside of me: dark, cloudy, rainy, cold.

i cannot put into words all the emotions i'm experiencing, and it actually is really difficult attempting to write a coherent post here with proper content.

anyway, keeping in line with the post title, the whole point of me starting a new post today is that i would just like to note down here, that i've just closed shut my 2011-2012 organiser.

been keeping it open at the last 2 weeks, but i guess it's time to switch to the new 2012-2013 one...

although the new one is all filled with blank pages and new lines for things to be written down in (the stuff that i am going to do this sem), the old one has all the many scribbles and notes in it, of everything planned, done, and experienced last sem and throughout the holidays.

and it really feels rather upsetting to not be able to see those things now.

超人不会飞

如果超人会飞
那就让我在空中停一停歇
再次俯瞰这个世界
会让我觉得好一些

拯救地球好累
虽然有些疲惫但我还是会
不要问我哭过了没
因为超人不能流眼泪

sick cycle carousel

school is starting again... and as the semesters go by, it's slightly alarming to suddenly realize that year 3 is commencing on monday. it's time to print notes, check out reading lists, and scour the used textbooks forum for cheap buys again.

but this feeling of oldness doesn't really hit you until you start seeing all the freshmen coming into hall, gather in groups and mingle like high-energy molecules starting a new life in a totally new environment, bouncing off the walls and colliding with each other, forming new bonds and complexes.
all excited and ready to go, are these young things with fresh blood coursing through their veins... but the dynamics are changing for me. i feel increasingly tired trying to keep up with the events, such as the orientations camps, barbecues, and the games of charades at the rooftop etc.
much like a stable compound slowly formed over time, you can think of me as an inert gas molecule floating about in the entropy.

it is not that i have decided to no longer support the block in her events and become a hermit though; i guess it is just a shift in focus onto other things. this upcoming semester before i fly on exchange to manchester, i will have to focus on different things as a year 3 student, much unlike the so-called freshman and sophomore years. (incidentally, in the west they still refer to year 3 students as juniors, but that's just a sidetrack piece of info and besides, i don't really feel very 'junior' in any case.)

which brings me back in time as i think about the first year i stepped into sheares hall, plus the goals and different motivations i had back then. we all just wanted to experience hall life and all the funny things people said occurred only in hall, so perhaps in the beginning, the intention was just to make friends and have fun being a university student for the first time! and then these focuses changed slowly over the semesters, both academic-wise as well as the other various aspects... i guess everybody has their own motivations for doing the things that they do.

anyway, these past two weeks i haven't really blogged, so i think i must have been rather busy... similarly, the forecast for whatever's left of august is expected to be hectic and packed; there are just so many things that need to be done and completed by the end of the month :\
in fact, a few months ago i was in quite a dilemma...

this girl i knew, started becoming a real close friend and we began to hang out pretty often. i could read her like an open book, effortlessly follow her train of thought, and even predict her moves so easily, it was uncanny... but we felt so comfortable being around each other. eventually, it was only a matter of time before feelings developed, and i really did like her a lot (o:>
but the thing was, we would be separated for a year.

ultimately, i decided to take a chance and give the impending year-long LDR period a shot. went for it as early as possible, so that we would have more time together before the separation... and that was the intention.

but a few months ago, i still had half a year.
now, that time is almost all used up.

mistakes, mistakes

we all make mistakes, and trust me we've made many.

but surely, learning from them and taking away valuable life lessons has to be top priority - after the errors have been made.

with respect to this, i hope that a close friend of mine will, in the near future, be able to start taking his failures as lessons, and eventually rise from the darkness. admittedly, it will be one hell of an uphill climb, but with a clear direction in mind, together with determination and perseverance... like i said, it is possible.

and i guess this may serve as a reminder to us all as well. after all, learning from failures does not apply solely to the mistakes we've made ourselves, but also to the mistakes of others.

it is not easy to avoid falling into the same trap just by observing other victims and telling yourself that you won't be like them (since one has not experienced making the actual mistake itself), but try we must.
and change for the better we must, if we have erred.

on a side note, i guess it isn't a question of how much the past matters, but instead, of how much we have learnt from our pasts. we've all done some good and some bad in our lives, but putting the good aside, it is how we've responded and reacted to the bad, that matters.

imagine two criminals with the same history - one has learnt from his mistakes and turned over a new leaf, while the other is a classic case of the leopard who never changes its spots. whose past matters more? the first one because he has successfully changed for the better after all that he's been through, or the second one because his past still defines who he is now?

does the answer depend on how you interpret the question?

domino

today, we had a long chat at night again, even though it was via bbm and not face-to-face. and hearing about other people's plights + the stories of some other couples, can only serve as a reminder to never ever take what we have now for granted.

think about it - the loved ones and the friends around us are all blessings. take them for granted, and one will understand the pain when they are no longer around.
it's like how i saw this recently: "before you complain about how far it is to drive there, think about those who have to walk the same distance."
taking even our daily privileges for granted, is probably a common habit amongst many in first-world societies today.

therefore, i shan't pass up on even the smallest things.
even though i have much to be grateful for these past 3 days (such as having helpful friends whilst i was settling my COE issues and online bike forum woes, a good chill-out supper session with hz which we haven't had in a long time, regain of substantial positivity back in life / banishment of the settling negativity, and even securing an honours thesis supervisor wayyy in advance), i just wanna' say that i was really glad for the long chats the past 2 nights... especially tuesday night when we wanted to go to sleep at 11 plus and ended up sleeping at 1-ish; i really enjoyed that entire period, of non-stop rambling about stratified and quota sampling.

guess it might not seem like a big thing, and instead, sound terribly boring and geeky even! but at the end of the day, when we talk like that, it just puts a warm feeling inside of me that i'm really glad to have.

can't explain it properly here, but from the following tweet i can safely assume that you enjoy that feeling as well (o:>

Life is like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay, some laugh with you, some at you, some didn't come. But in the end, after the fun, there would be a few who would stay and help clean up the mess with you. And most of the time, those were the ones who didnt even make the mess. - Unknown

so, let's not take those people for granted shall we.


rock my world into the sunlight
make this dream the best i've ever known
every second is a highlight
when we touch don't ever let me go

save me

sigh, lately i've been feeling terribly down and out...
like it's almost some minor form of temporary depression or something.

furthermore, having to pretend that i'm fine all the time really is taking its toll.
i know that i'm not a positive person to begin with, so i do try to incorporate some aspects of it (such as being cheerful) into daily life... but at the end of the day when i'm at my lowest moments, i realize that i don't have anyone to turn to.
guess it's 'cause i don't wanna' burden them, or perhaps i just don't wanna' let them know that i am sad or weak or whatever. and so it's just me and the darkness of my room each night, coupled with overthinking and insomnia.

you may ask me, "what's causing all this?" and to that i will tell you that i don't know... but deep down inside, i guess i do know...
all the many reasons that could so well be contributing factors.

and that's just me for you.


i feel my wings have broken in your hands
i feel the words unspoken inside
and they pull you under
and i would give you anything you want, no
you were all i wanted
all my dreams are falling down
crawling 'round and 'round


somebody save me
let your warm hands break right through
somebody save me
i don't care how you do it
just stay, stay
c'mon, i've been waiting for you


i see the world has folded in your heart
i feel the waves crash down inside
and they pull me under
and i would give you anything you want, no
you were all i wanted
all my dreams have fallen down
crawling 'round and 'round


somebody save me
let your warm hands break right through
somebody save me
i don't care how you do it
just stay, stay
c'mon, i've been waiting for you


all my dreams are on the ground
crawling 'round and 'round


somebody save me
let your warm hands break right through
somebody save me
i don't care how you do it
just stay, stay
i made this whole world shine for you
just stay, stay
c'mon, i'm still waiting for you

why, why georgia

uncanny.

i just typed out some lyrics from a song here, omitting certain parts and only choosing the relevant lines, when it occurred to me that i might have posted something from the same song before... i did a quick search and true enough, i had posted lyrics from that song before (16082011 - why georgia).

funny thing is:
the words i chose were completely identical to the ones almost a year ago.

apparently that's just how i relate (and always will relate?) to the song, or it could simply be that whatever was relevant then has stayed relevant till today.

some worries and thanks

haven't blogged for the entire of july up till now, due to being busy with the nus summer programme 2012. it was really a 24/7 kinda' job and i was seriously restrained from all the many things that i wanted to complete. so now the pile that stands before me looks daunting, and i feel procrastination manifesting itself... slowly but surely during these past few days. guess i shall expect to be busy for the remaining half of the month as well, trying to catch up with everything, so i may just try to hit 5 posts for this month and let that be it. anyway, school is about to start soon.

in the meantime, i will really need to get rid of all these negative thoughts... the past few days have not been too bright i must say, and in any case, self-defeating self-talk does no good to any mindset at all.
but it is not easy.

"the mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive." - eckhart tolle

how true... therefore, i must aim to be positive in all matters.
but perhaps it is an innate characteristic that i'm up against?
hmm well, i suppose there is no harm in trying.

putting that aside... busy as i was during the 2 weeks of being a student facilitator, the summer programme was really quite a meaningful and fulfilling experience.

we went to many places and made many new friends, listened to inspiring speakers and learnt how some businesses and social enterprises were started. i'm really grateful to everyone i've met, for being a part of my life during the two weeks... the experiences they shared with me most certainly enriched me in intangible ways. i'll also remember all the many things they did for us, such as the dessert treat at 18 chefs on the last night... and also, i was most touched by the birthday celebration! (really wanna' thank jiajian, karan, mingchuan, yvonne, shuling, and all of them)

speaking of birthday celebrations, although she noobly revealed it the first time round, i still managed to get my surprise on saturday night (i'll pretend that i didn't notice the extra texting all night, and also the time delay tactics to the supermarket and gongcha).
still, it was a pleasant surprise and i thank egg boob plus stanley (:
the brunch at canopy was nice too, with egg boob and horizon smile (:
but most importantly, the one person who spent all 24 hrs of the day with me (o:>

my gratitude also goes out to all who wished me... i really did try to reply to each and every wish personally. especially those who made effort to sms/text me: my mom, liamzai, azie, neddely, ziqing, jon, oly's mom, daryl, krish, xianglong, my cousin cherlyn, liqing, hanzong, jon loh, peiwen, tw.

tw also got me this running man polo from korea which is awesome haha. and for all the gifts that i received, i'm really happy and thankful and i promise that they'll be put to good use.

and so, my 24th year on this planet is beginning...
it's time to look forward.

goodbye june

glad to have really made use of the past few days this week... finally a good lifestyle is being put into action, with the constant running, exercise, waking early, soccer etc.

did a lot of things this week as well, such as taking time out at night to enjoy a nice dimsum supper, waking early to see the sunrise, meeting jon to set-up his electric guitar at roxy square, going to bugis to prepare the photojigsaw, FIFA-ing at night, picking HZ for supper to cure his sianness, waking early to send my youngest brother to school (finally he has accepted me driving the car), going back to NUS and sheares hall, buying pens from central forum co-op, attending the summer programme briefing, moving boxes to guild house, settling army mob stuff, going to MOE HQ and holland v to meet oly for lunch, and also celebrating our 4 months at bistro one zero three... 1+0+3=4 !!!! (o:>

the next 2 weeks are going to be really quite busy and time consuming, although the NUS summer programme sounds really fun. hope it will be one heck of an experience, especially with visiting all the places such as the start-up companies, the CEO of sakae sushi, eighteen chefs etc etc... it will all officially start on monday morning during the registration, but we'll all be meeting some of them already during the airport pick-ups tomorrow. incidentally, my international students happen to be arriving at 735am, 850am, and 950am flights tomorrow so i'll be at the airport the entire morning... ahhh, the feeling of cabbing, knowing that all costs incurred will be paid for by the NUS summer programme budget, is just delightful.

anyway, half a year has passed in the blink of an eye, and in a short while we will be entering into the realm of july... so here's to a smooth and happy 2nd half of 2012, cheers!

next-best solution

3 weeks ago i re-launched the PIP, dubbing the new improved version as SIP...

i sought to "start reading, carry-out a fitness regime, as well as attempt to improve the way of my thinking (something that the PIP has always been seeking to accomplish)."

the first two, albeit sometimes slow and infrequent, are nonetheless underway...
however, admittedly the third remains the most challenging task.

"also, not only does one's thinking need to be wise, but it should also show in one's behaviors and attitudes. i hope to be a nicer person in general, and to not fall to anger so easily - especially on the road or toward minor/trivial issues."

this caused me to think up a heap-load of ways that might help me attain a nicer guy status, and it was only during a recent dinner at home when a thought struck me.
there's no point constantly complaining about how hard the pig intestines are, is there? instead, like all other situations in life, we can only take what has been served to us, decide on the best alternative out, and go for that route. this is a method that i have seen my best friend apply all the time... and hopefully i can emulate it with considerably success soon.

it's a little hard to put it into words, but basically we just have to keep moving on. whenever troubles arise, no amount of lamenting or complaining is going to help the situation... decide on the next best course of action (for example, to rectify the situation) and go for it.

in a sense, this kinda' compliments the theory of fate pretty well.

in other news, this morning i brought the kookoo out to punggol waterway at 6am+ in the morning to catch the sunrise... apparently it's her first time seeing one haha so she's really happy, and i am too.
much thought was put into this plan, in order to thoughtfully acclimatize her body clock to the following six weeks of working... as well as the swee choon dim sum supper the night before, which she has been craving so much lately (oh those liu sha baos), so as to make the most out of her last weekday night of staying up late.
although it was insane for me to wake at 6am today as i slept at the same time the previous night, it was all worth it (o:>

when the lights go out
and we open our eyes
out there in the silence
i'll be gone, i'll be gone
let the sun fade out
and another one rise
climbing through tomorrow
i'll be gone, i'll be gone

short, skinny and fat

the most apt a whatsapp group's name can get.

crazy last min decision to head into JB in the middle of the night for lok lok! which broke the mundane holidays, and just as well 'cause i was just saying that "we need to do something crazy."

so a secret trip over the causeway just about provided the solution (keeping it from his parents, my impression of the fat one has changed slightly)... plus juicy news from the short one, whose life changed after having the 炸-ed broccoli... it was a good catch-up i would say.

RM107 but we only had RM106

friday's mass supper with residents from lower delta, hougang, eunos, tampines, and bishan areas, is gonna' be pretty ups too! glad that this is happening.

i realized that before getting their licences, many people are prone to telling their friends that they'll drive 'em out to supper once they pass. but then after passing, i guess it's not as easy as it seems lol.

c'mon lads! the holidays are only gonna' get better from now on.

mr. brightside

you know how sometimes you meet a long-lost friend on the street? someone you haven't seen in a long while but used to be close to in the past?

well, i just met one such friend: a close buddy of mine in the BSLC and that was during my 1st year of NS, so... that year was 2008.
i must say it was really good fate to have crossed paths, because this friend was someone i shared good times with, and also someone that i could just simply strike up an easy conversation with even though we hadn't seen each other for so long.

anyway, i was out having supper with 2 of my other friends when i noticed him walk past outside my favourite bcm stall, and i immediately recognized his face. i started to sift through my memories and recalled significant events such as where we had met, what we did together, and some of the more poignant scenes played out in my head  like movies on an old projector (most were during outfields; the most striking one was where we were sitting by the road in platoon level passing out the nightsnacks).
later on, as we left, i kept an eye out for him en route to the car and surely, spotted him inside the neighbouring prata house. almost like how he walked past the bcm stall and i spotted him from inside, he too, spotted me from inside the prata shop and recognized me.
ahh, finally i had the chance to speak to him and catch up for a bit... at this point i kind of blocked out the fact that i was with my other 2 friends who wanted to go home.

first thing he said to me after we were done with all the heys and hellos and how are yous, was: "eh you know ah, i was just thinking about you today man."

i was taken aback, because that was either a lie, a joke, a weird conversation-starter, or some funny coincidence... and also because he was with his girlfriend, but he quickly added, "ohh no it's not like that la."
haha obviously he still retains his good sense of humour after all these years, and he subsequently tried to explain, "really really, i thought about you today, 'cause funny story, i swear today my sister was going to turn lesbian."

wah this guy power. in front of his girlfriend some more.
i wanted to retort, "wtf your sister wanna' turn lesbian then you think about me?!"
but i held back my comment because what would his girlfriend think we did during army right? hahaha
okay turns out the girl that his sister liked has the same birthday as the two of us, and so that was why he thought of me.

which then made me realize that the reason why we forged such a strong bond in the first place was because we were the only 2 people we knew who were born on the exact date of 15th july 1989! not sure if that particular girl was also born in 1989, but he's the only person i know who shares my exact birth date, and the same story goes for him vice versa.

i remember being pretty amazed by this fact when we first met... we were in the same platoon and same section in foxtrot company (platoon 3 section 5?), and had the same birth date... during that outfield that i mentioned earlier, i remember clearly that the particular nightsnack we received that night was plain bread with either normal butter or peanut butter inside, and between the two of us we had one of each... somehow we dubbed the one who got the normal butter bread "bright side" and the peanut butter one "dark side"... and to be honest i forgot which one i was... a burning memory tells me i was bright side but then again knowing me i should probably have been the dark side. anyway, i think it was decided based on who chose which bread...

but i do remember telling him that neither side can do without the other, much like how i hated only having the peanut butter bread, or only the normal butter bread - it only becomes really nice when you eat them both together. okay thinking back and saying it out like this makes it seem like a really dumbass analogy, but honestly it made so much sense that night, and i believe with that we proceeded to form a strong sense of camaraderie and brotherhood that lasted throughout the remaining of the course.

all in all, i just wanted to say that it was really a pleasure to have crossed paths with this dude once again, and it makes me appreciate all the good times we had together, albeit those being tough times as well.
it truly isn't often to be able to experience something like this; meeting an old friend and being able to catch up most effortlessly from where you left off years ago... i wonder how many other people would be able to exert the same kind of effect on me, and maybe perhaps you should try and think about those who might be such long-lost friends to you too.
however, they won't come to mind easily, because it is only when you meet them, do you start to remember how awesome a friend they were to you before.

cheers to you, dark side.

SIP

time to re-launch the PIP.
or perhaps, this time round focusing on the self as a whole.


more than a month has passed since the end of the school term, and to be honest i'm really bummed that i haven't really done anything productive during this period.
everybody else seems to be busy working or doing internships while i just bum around... and so, since we should always be improving ourselves and/or our lives in one way or the other, the SIP will be a good scheme to implement during this time.

i will start reading, carry-out a fitness regime, as well as attempt to improve the way of my thinking (something that the PIP has always been seeking to accomplish). also, not only does one's thinking need to be wise, but it should also show in one's behaviors and attitudes. i hope to be a nicer person in general, and to not fall to anger so easily - especially on the road or toward minor/trivial issues.

perhaps it can be seen as sad, that i need to rely on such measures to seek to improve myself, but i know that i am far from being a perfect person and so i believe this is something i need to do.

aaaaa

been sitting here for a while and still i can't really think of anything to say.
but i suppose i should post something since today is a significant day (also, the eve of another significant day) and some mention is deserved.

if you do not know, today is NUS results day, and also my fourth time receiving results from NUS via the very clever form of an sms. and it was almost as if the excitement has been lost for me, as compared to the previous semesters... no pain night was toned down, i slept reasonably well, and didn't really think much about the impending results sms at all.
i guess it's just the numbing of the entire process: the starting of school and studying and recess week and midterms and assignments and mugging and deadlines and then reading week and exams and results... it all becomes more or less a routine and we get used to it.

but of course, at the moment right before one clicks to open the sms, heart rates will definitely rise as a certain trepidation suddenly washes over... that irreversible moment when the thumb makes contact with the screen, and the letters and numbers all appear instantly, hitting the eyes in a simultaneous fashion... within a second we have seen everything.

and then maybe one goes through the five stages. (or not, depending on that last figure in the sms.)

sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

either way, congratulations to those who have done well and exceeded their self-expectations! and especially to those who have received their results for the final time and graduated with much joy (:

as for those who haven't done as well as they've hoped for, it's not over and don't harbour too much disappointment for now - fighting!

ah, i suddenly realize a certain pattern if a graph could be drawn with cap on y and sem on x... (could it be correlated with something?) and also, how 'jinxy' it has been lately: yesterday night's poker cards to predict things, as well as when the sc bros wanted to make a treat bet and i said it would be risky if i did.

24th

a river flows in you

perhaps it's the season to hibernate, with the rainy weather and all.
or maybe it's 'cause everyone else is too busy working or doing their internships (which puts a little pressure on my empty holidays but it's okay), that blogs seem to be less frequently updated?
i don't know... this is probably shallow speculation on my part for i remember last year at this time i was busy posting after just starting this blog! 20 posts for my debut month, and if you don't believe me you can check the archives... that's like 2 posts every 3 days so i must have been really free during that period too.

in any case, here we are at the month of may again - the month where a full academic year has just come to a close and the long summer break has commenced, where we wait agonizingly for the sms on results day.
just like how a year has passed since this blog was initiated, it has also been a year since arts fest 2011, and the postcard that we filled up under that particular tree has finally been mailed to us one year on.

there are many things to be said about the postcard: the words, the signatures, the handwritings, positions, orientations, slants etc. but overall it generates a nice feeling to receive this postcard, and with this i am reminded of how things have changed over these 12 months. if we were to all write and sign another postcard meant for us in 2013, how different might the postcard look this time round?

last night i was lying down awaiting to sleep when a thought hit me. (in fact, most of my interesting thoughts and philosophies come up late at night as i am about to fall asleep, and it is a shame because most of the time i am too lazy to get back up, turn on the lights, and write them down.) however, on this occasion i do remember it and here goes.

it occurred to me that life, is somewhat like the journey a water droplet takes, from the top of the mountain, down the streams and rivers, into the lakes, meanders, valleys, and finally into the oceans. and we are all small water droplets.
sometimes we have our highs, near the water surface where there is much light and warmth... sometimes we have our lows, deep underwater where it is dark and cold.
there are always disturbances in the water, we can rarely experience true peace (just like how in life we can relate to this).
the water droplets beside you that accompany you during different courses of your journey down to the ocean are always changing... you make friends with many different water droplets along the way, but most you will never meet in your lifetime.
some droplets travel faster than others, some travel slower. sometimes you manage to find a few good ones and you stick together for long periods, but along the way separation into different streams and paths is often inevitable. if you are lucky, you may run into each other again somewhere down the river.
sometimes, water droplets are fortunate enough to find another that will stick with them all the way to the ocean.
and most importantly, the flow of the river is always one-way. you can never go back to a previous point, as you will not pass the same point ever again once you have left it behind.

this is to say that once things are done, they cannot be undone, so don't regret anything in life because once things are set in stone they cannot be changed. we should all just learn from our experiences, take them as lessons, and move on.

here's a nice song to listen to while you ponder about the river analogy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-4wUfZD6oc

yin-yang

there are always two sides to the coin -
the good and the bad,
the pros and the cons,
the yin and the yang.

for example, today while i was at the dean's office submitting my SEP documents, at 1pm sharp the receptionist told everyone that it was lunch break time. she asked everyone to leave the office and come back at 2pm, and this she did even though at that point in time she was currently attending to an indian family who had popped by to enquire about how to admit their daughter into FASS to major in economics. instead of staying an extra 10 minutes to help answer whatever short queries they might have, she insisted that the office be closed. but hey miss, isn't your lunch break one hour long? so what is 10 minutes?

and that got me thinking (as i too, left to print some documents and settle my lunch in order to burn the one hour) about the pros and cons of being flexible, versus being rigid when it comes to rules.
one would be likely to say "hey, strike a balance," but undeniably there are pros and cons to both.

in fact, it is clear that everything has its own good and bad points.
from deforestation to human aid, false alarms to smartphones, everything.
even the signpost erected in the park that says "no feeding" has its good and bad sides (based on my memory of the time when i was young and still staying at blk 179, where my dad told me a similar story).

therefore in life, no matter what we're faced with, always remember that there are two sides... and despite the other side's grass being seemingly greener all the time, remember that there is grass on this side as well. and also, that both sets of grass have their pros and cons.
although we tend to take the good points for granted, and exaggerate the bad ones, we must actively avoid these two processes.
similarly, when experiencing post-decision dissonance, we should always keep the yin and yang in mind.
never exaggerate or downplay either side, for both always exist.

i'm free for debate on this topic (as well as the theory of fate, as always)
- please feel free.

helper or helpee?

today is the 7th of may, 2012.
i've just moved out from sheares hall, my humble abode of C612, calling a close to the year 2 life i have spent at heng mui keng terrace.
and perhaps this calls for a bit of pensive reflection (as i like to term it).

on my way home in the unusually slow-moving traffic today, i asked myself: when you help someone, do you remember it? or is it that when somebody does you a favour, you will be more likely to remember it?

i have an inkling, that most of us tend to believe we are more likely to remember moments when we are helped, rather than when we helped someone else. and this of course should be the case, as i often remind myself of the ever-so-meaningful phrase that i once chanced upon: "take without forgetting, give without remembering."
yet perhaps it is the innate pessimist in me, who feels that the truth is in fact, the opposite - that people tend to remember it more when they were the helper, rather than when they were the helpee.

i guess it works both ways... maybe it's a 50-50 split between the two kinds.
one might be more likely to remember moments when they were helped, if they were in dire straits at the time, or if the favour really impacted and improved their lives in a significant way.
on the other hand, one might be more likely to remember it when they were the ones helping, if they didn't really want to offer their assistance in the first place (but did), or if the favour caused substantial losses/sacrifice.
and then of course we could factor in the identity of the other party (whether it was a close friend or a stranger/acquaintance), current mood/temperament, recent events, stress levels, time constraint factors etc... to determine whether the moment would be transferred to long-term memory...

at the end of the day, i suppose you could ask yourself the question of which one are you more likely to be. the one who remembers being the helper more often, or the helpee?

however, do take your own answer with a pinch of salt, because the perceived view, as we know, may sometimes prove to be very different from the actual fact (analogous to the meta-bases and structural bases of attitudes in social psychology).

just my two cents' worth today.

if the moon fell down tonight

every time i see your smile, it makes my heart beat fast
i know it's much too soon to tell, i'm hoping this will last
'cause i just always wanna' have you right here by my side
the future's near but never certain, at least stay here for just tonight

i must have done something right, to deserve you in my life
i must have done something right along the way

i just can't get you off my mind, and why would i even try
even when i close my eyes, i dream about you all the time

'cause i just always wanna' have you right here by my side
the future's near but never certain, at least stay here for just tonight

i must have done something right, to deserve you in my life
i must have done something right along the way

and even if the moon fell down tonight...
there'll be nothing to worry about at all because you make the whole world shine
as long as you're here everything will be alright


i must have done something right, to deserve you in my life
i must have done something right along the way
i must have done something right along the way

two to the good

from sndc last year - the siblings act

to this year's lorry supper (o:

irregret

exams are finally over; year 2 semester 2 has come to a close.
so you could more or less call me a year 3 student now sigh :|

it's slightly surreal to be hitting this milestone; you know, you never really think about being a senior year student during the earlier years.. and yet now, here we are, in the same situation as the year 3s whom we looked upon as old birds when we moved into sheares in 2010.

it's insane how next year when the freshies come in i'd be like a jason lau or a zhen lin or a liamzai - so uncool. even when i came into sheares i thought nakok and jon looked like pretty old peeps to me already haha.
oh well, i know next year will be a whole new ball-game... just like how year 2 was so different from year 1; i think we all mellowed down (or at least i did).

thinking back, C415 sure held some great memories, the crazy year 1 days at the haps short-wing.
and as much as we may miss those good times, in a way we should be happy that we are able to think back and reminisce about those things... because they really did happen once.

i will always remember and hold dear to my heart, that the things which we will regret most at the end of our lifetimes, aren't things that we did, but the things which we didn't do.

it may seem trivial, how i told myself i just had to leave the exam hall for GEM1536 at the 60-minute mark... not because i wanted to walk out of the hall in front of all the rows of people and smirk at them like a smart-aleck, but because i knew i would regret it for many years to come if i passed up on such an opportunity.
and now i can say that my university life is complete, because out of all the final exams i've taken in NUS, this one time, i was the first guy to walk out of the exam hall.

okay i think that the story i used above isn't that good an example, but you get my point... we should never regret.
never regret not doing something, because in time to come you will always rue the opportunity that you missed, and forever tell yourself "aiya wasted..."

therefore, here's "irregret", a new word coined to sum up what i've just said into three syllables. i guess you could call it a kind of attitude, or a philosophy... it could be an approach to life, or perhaps even a way of life.
the feeling of having not done something which you should have done, truly is horrible. and besides, you wouldn't want to risk passing up on something good would you? ;o)

holes inside

when all that you've tried, leaves nothing but holes inside
it seems like you're wired, to stay here held in time
'cause nothing seems to change, oh no
no nothing's gonna' change, at all
i can see it in your face, that hope has got away

if you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light...
oh 'cause sometimes fate and your dreams will collide

falling in love at a coffeeshop

ahh no posts for march... i have been busy!

starting with killer midterm day on 1st march, presentations, a failed driving test, a good IPPT, essays due, data collections... so on and so forth.
but still glad to have been able to squeeze out time for enjoyable stuffs as well (albeit at the cost of trashing out blogging time) such as lorry supper, no77s, crazy macs breakfast studying session aka dsd part II, runs/strolls, buffet dinner at todai, every-tues-commemorations, and of course 290312 spent at saizeriya + clarke quay + promontory (o:

april proves to be another testing month lying ahead, but i shall take respite in the fact that within four weeks this will all be over.
let's roll out the optimist prime and pull through this.

i think that possibly maybe i'm falling for you
yes there's a chance that i've fallen quite hard over you
i've seen the paths that your eyes wander down, i wanna' come too
i think that possibly maybe i'm falling for you

no one understands me quite like you do
through all of the shadowy corners of me

i never knew, just what it was
about this old coffeeshop i love so much
all of the while i never knew

i think that possibly maybe i'm falling for you
yes there's a chance that i've fallen quite hard over you
i've seen the waters that make your eyes shine, now i'm shining too
because oh because, i've fallen quite hard over you

if i didn't know you, i'd rather not know
if i couldn't have you, i'd rather be alone

i never knew, just what it was
about this old coffeeshop i love so much
all of the while i never knew

all of the while, all of the while...
it was you

taking the leap

就是你了 <3

心情溶剂

ah here we are, and the start of 13022012 marks the end of week 5.

it has been a busy week of performances, rehearsals after rehearsals.
with amplify and xqrj, this week really has been very very tight trying to juggle practices and yet keeping up with presentations and schoolwork at the same time.

i must say i'm relieved that it's over, and now it's the upcoming week 6 to look forward to, where i will need to work hard for lab research proposal and social psych's almost-as-heavy-percentage-as-finals midterm.

yet, i'm really glad to have been able to perform on both occasions.
amplify with sheares band was loads of fun albeit the crazy long practices (including one 4 hours straight); experiencing the y.i.h. open plaza with strait groove and the other performers was an evening well-spent.

and then xqrj was an eye opener, going to u.c.c. hall and experiencing the entire backstage thing; it was performing in front of a live audience and judges at a regional chinese songwriting competition after all.

zhenlin coming out champion really just topped everything off and made all the practices ultimately worthwhile.
really happy to be part of it all and i am thankful for the experience!
humbly speaking, i am grateful he chose me to be the on-stage guitarist for the finals when there are so many other better guitarists available.

i'd like to congratulate him here yet again!
although i've practiced the song thousands of times until i'm very sick of it already, i'm pretty sure the crowd and judges loved it... that's why it came out tops (:

14th XQRJ Grand Finals: 叶绿素

make it happen

let things be, or make it happen?

ah... make it happen.

this is a motto i will not forget.

walking along the high-tide line
watching the pacific from the sideline
wonder what it means to live together?
looking for more than just guidelines
looking for signs in the night sky

bigger than my body

this is a call to the colourblind

this is an i.o.u.

i'm stranded behind the horizon line

tied up in something true

yes i'm grounded, got my wings clipped

i'm surrounded by all this pavement

guess i'll circle, while i'm waiting

for my fuse to dry

someday i'll fly

someday i'll soar

someday i'll be so damn much more

'cause i'm bigger than my body gives me credit for 

maybe i'll tangle in the power lines

and it might be over in a second's time

but i'll gladly go down in a flame

if a flame's what it takes to remember my name

to remember my name, yeah