not a right, but a privilege

quite a while back, i had the epiphany that we have no right to be sad.
we are extremely blessed compared to the african kids who have neither food to eat nor shelter from the rain and the cold cold nights.
so what gives us any right to complain about anything?

yet, sometimes (and this is getting less frequent, almost rare, which is a good thing), sometimes, when i think certain thoughts, my eyes well up in pain, i feel my face cringe slightly, my heartbeat switches to a heavy throb, and my footsteps, if any, slow down gradually to eventual nothingness.
and i think i often picture myself standing on the seashore or the bank of a vast lake.
when one stares out into the distant nothingness, it becomes easy to wonder how we let it all slip away.

really wonder how long it will take me to fully let go of this.
every once in a blue moon i delve back into this issue and swim around in its murky waters for a bit.
despite closure for that brief respite, it was so readily taken away in a split second...
guess i was living an illusion for that short period.

anyway, got this urge to just be somewhere else now.
listening to the waves and maybe pondering the vastness of our galaxy.
but 3 weeks to exams so such a luxury is not possible ):

sigh, how ironic haha.
it seems like i have neither the right nor the privilege to feel any form of sadness.


愛已不能動
還有什麼值得我心痛？
想你的天空
下起雨來

你怎麼捨得讓我的淚流向海？
付出的感情永遠
找不回來

flint

does it have to start with a broken heart?
broken dreams and bleeding parts? 
we were young and world was clear 
but young ambition disappears 
i swore it would never come to this 
the average, the obvious
ah i'm still discontented down here
i'm still discontented


if we only got one try
if we only got one life
if time was never on our side
then before i die, i want to burn out bright


so a spark ignites in time and space
limping through this human race
you bite and claw your way back home 
but you're running the wrong way
the future is a question mark
of kerosene and electric sparks
there's still fire in you yet
yeah there's still fire in you


i keep cleaning up the mess i've made
i keep cleaning up the mess i've made
i won't run away

survivor / thrivor

been fighting things that i can't see in 
like voices comin' from the inside of me and 
like doing things i find hard to believe in 
am i myself, or am i dreaming? 

i've been awake for an hour or so 
checking for a pulse but i just don't know 
am i a man when i feel like a ghost? 
the stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes 

no i'm not alright 
i know that i'm not right 
a steering wheel don't mean you can drive 
a warm body don't mean i'm alive 
no i'm not alright 
i know that i'm not right 
it feels like i travel but i never arrive 
i want to thrive, not just survive 


i'm always close but i'm never enough 
i'm always in line but i'm never in love 
i get so down but i won't give up 
i get slowed down but i won't give up


on a side note, health should never be taken for granted.
it's really quite hard to emphasize on the importance of this.

would you, souvenirs?

i close my eyes and go back in time
i can see you smiling, you're so alive
we were so young, we had no fear
we were so young, we had no idea


that nothing lasts forever

sometimes i don't know if i'd trade them away.

ocean wide

life is like the ocean.
and we are mere boats, sitting on a vast expanse of water while the waves pass by beneath us.

as such, we all have our ups and downs; sometimes riding on the crest of a wave, and sometimes stuck in the troughs.

if we are lucky, we manage to stay on the crest for a nice period of time.
other times though, we are trapped in the troughs for too long... and life becomes gloomy because we cannot see the horizon.

i believe it is fair to say that as the waves pass us by, we will always alternate between being on the crests and being in the troughs.
therefore, we must always keep in mind that where we are at any point in time will not stay that way forever.

consequently, we should never take the highs for granted.
neither should we lose hope so readily during the lows.

of course, with a large wavelength, it may seem that the time between two crests can become uncomfortably long.... but it will not stay that way forever.

thus, let us sail on through the storms and ride on!
for i'd really like to know what lies beyond that shimmering horizon.


when she was just a girl
she expected the world
but it fell away from her reach
and the bullets catch in her teeth
life goes on, it gets so heavy
the wheel breaks the butterfly
every tear's a waterfall
in the night, the stormy night, she'd close her eyes


and so lying underneath those stormy skies
she'd say, "oh oh oh oh oh i know the sun must set to rise"

fix you

when you try your best, but you don't succeed
when you get what you want, but not what you need
when you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse


and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone, but it goes to waste
could it be worse?


lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try
to fix you


and high up above or down below
when you're too in love, to let it go
but if you never try, you'll never know
just what you're worth


tears stream down on your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
tears stream down on your face
and i...


will try to fix you.

up, up, and back down

when down in a rut, it's very difficult to climb back up.

one could be stuck for a lengthy period of time... always trying to climb out, but falling back in repeatedly.
and times like these we really need a helping hand.

it's simply ultra-disheartening when the ones who are trying (i won't say "supposed" here because i don't see why anyone is obliged. perhaps the closest of friends?) to help you out throw their hands up in despair and just decide to give up. it's not like we're not trying to get out.

and sure, forget the effort i put in.
forget the appreciation i've shown, as well as the loyalty.

yes, we all have our difficult days.
and yes, we aren't infallible.
but i'd go so far to say that when you were in your rut, i did try my best to spread my sunshine into your darkness.
curses be upon me if this isn't true, and i shunned away when you needed a friend to be there.
in that case, then i don't mind this being karma coming round to serve justice.



"it may be stormy now, but it won't rain forever."
sigh somehow i'm unable to argue against this damn statement.

你不是真正的快乐

难道就真的抱着遗憾
一直到老了


为什麽失去了
还要被惩罚呢


能不能就让悲伤
全部结束在此刻


重新开始活着

轨迹

怎么隐藏 我的悲伤 
失去你的地方 
你的发香 散的匆忙 
我已经跟不上 
闭上眼睛 还能看见 
你离去的痕迹 
在月光下 一直找寻  
那想念的身影 

如果说分手是苦痛的起点 
那在终点之前 
我愿意再爱一遍 
想要对你说的 
不敢说的爱 
会不会有人可以明白 

我会发着呆 然后忘记你 
接着紧紧闭上眼 
想着那一天 会有人代替 
让我不再想念你 
我会发着呆 然后微微笑 
接着紧紧闭上眼 
又想了一遍 你温柔的脸 
在我忘记之前 

心里的眼泪 
模糊了视线 
你已快看不见

and you are?

lately, i've noticed that some people have like 4,000 friends on facebook.
and like, who are you kidding man; which person would know all 4,000?
perhaps you'd only keep in touch with like 10% of the total, kinda' know another 40%, and then the rest would be acquaintances or people you added randomly in the past when you used to play stupid facebook games *looks behind*

it's amusing really, how i log into facebook daily and look at the birthdays bar.
there are 4 options available:
1) i know the person well... i send a very warmhearted birthday wish.
2) i know the person, or kinda' know the person, or used to know the person but we lost touch... i send a general template kinda' wish (but still sincere).
3) i don't really know the person, we hardly talk, or we didn't even really use to talk much... i don't wish.
4) i don't recognize a shit, click on mutual friends, see a number close to null... and i unfriend.

it's a really good way of clearing your facebook friends and keeping the friendlist neat and tidy, not clattered with all sorts of random strangers.
this way, you know your status updates won't be going out to unnecessary people you don't want knowing about your life.

oh and as you guys know, i have this thing for general neatness and tidiness?
like keeping my toiletries in rows, neatly in a particular order...
my laptop = parallel to the table edge, no discrepancies in the degrees...
also, nice round numbers of 10 posts a month etc etc...

so...
i just checked.
and i have 1079 friends on facebook...