你说呢?

[刚刚才发现，今天是26号。这样子，一个月慢慢地过了。]


你说呢 明知你不在 还是会问
空气 却不能代替你 出声
习惯 像永不愈合 的固执伤痕
一思念就撕裂灵魂

把相片 让你能保存 多洗一本
毛衣 也为你准备多 一层
但是 你孤单时刻 安慰的体温
怎么为你多留一份

我不愿让你一个人 一个人在人海浮沉
我不愿你独自走过 风雨的 时分
我不愿让你一个人 承受这世界的残忍
我不愿眼泪陪你到 永恒

你走后 爱情的遗迹 像是空城
遗落你杯子手套和 笑声
最后 你只带走你 脆弱和单纯
和我最放不下的人



你说呢 明知你不在 还是会问
只因 习惯你满足的 眼神

every breath

been listening to "every breath" by boyce avenue for the past two days, and although i didn't really like it very much at first (because i thought the tune was too mainstream), in the end, the lyrics must have gotten to me. also, there's a nice acoustic version available, which is more of like, my type of feel.

when hanzong listened to the song for the first time today, one question he asked me was how i interpreted the song's lyrics. almost immediately after, he clicked on the "story behind the song" link that appeared at the end of the youtube video.

and even though i had not seen the meaning behind the song at that point in time, when the words flashed across the screen, it all seemed to fall so aptly into place. to which he said, "oh no wonder you like this song so much la."


"i think at some point we've all found ourselves alone and separated from friends, family, or loved ones. in those times, we all have our own ways of coping. what gets me through is believing that the story will have a happy ending. this song was inspired by the one person that my happy ending has always been built around. it's about being separated from the people you love most in life, but knowing that, in the end, they'll always be there with you."

- daniel manzano

http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_54518&feature=iv&src_vid=CrF7wdD5NxE&v=FjrbHq3JmJw

you're waiting on a minute hand

in a countdown that lasts for days

but i'm here to tell you it won't be long

before i'm here to stay 

'cause when i needed a place to hang my heart

you were there to wear it from the start

and with every breath of me

you'll be the only light i see

trees

standing on the rooftop this afternoon, i looked out into the distance at all the ports, buildings, and mechanical "giraffes", when suddenly i realized the amount of trees that actually existed there.

now instantly i knew that all these trees belonged to the west coast park areas, but i had never noticed them with such a form of clarity before... it was almost like a new perspective to me, and i figured that foreigners who were able to share my view, would probably exclaim on how green a city singapore is, with all of its lush greenery existing within and together with the urbanized areas.

much like how we turn to and rely (sometimes over-heavily) on mental schemas, my mental image of the view from block C's rooftop was always all about the ports and the grey overcast skies, the limited view of the ocean, the occasional red glow from the setting sun through the cirrus clouds, the little cars and buses passing through pasir panjang road. whenever i stood there, these were the things that formed the bulk of my impression of the area, and i would largely only focus on these.

(a similar example would be when one looks at a picture of an airport, one would focus on the planes, the runways, the control towers... and less of the service sheds, the cargo trucks, or the large open-air carpark, because all these are less likely to be construed as the important features in an airport scene.)

anyway, it just all kinda' hit me in a "new perspective" sort of way.
i never truly acknowledged their (the trees) existence until now, and you could say i was never really this fully aware of their presence. and as i stared closer at them, noticing the leaves and their shades and their forms, i started to appreciate them fully. although they were never truly noticed, they always played such an important role in the bigger picture, silently and steadily standing there against the currents of time... just waiting, breathing, and being.

it made me miss all the little things in life that we never truly noticed and appreciated before - but we must be grateful for. and it made me miss just standing there with my dearest, along with the small privilege of sharing the same view as her... it's such a cold, awakening realization to think back into the past, when we could stand on the rooftop and look at the same things, pointing out stuff and sharing the view... how precious even such a trivial moment was.

i, don't wanna' go through this life

without you by my side

and i, have got it all worked out

in my head, here's how it's gotta' be

it'll be you, and me

up in the trees

and the forest will give us the answers

it'll be you, and i

up in the sky

it's a combination for disaster

we, we make believe

in a world we rule together

we, can build our dreams

with a knot tied tight, to last forever

and i know, there's more for us in this life

if we hold on, if we hold on

i know, there's more for us in this life

can we hold on? can we hold onnn

the beacons are lit

to be honest, the past 2 weeks have not been easy for me.
the first few days especially, and perhaps one could say the entire first week in general.

i've really tried quite hard to get to where i am now; to battle out of the pits where i was at my lowest, dust myself off, and carry on walking, step by step. i would say that it really takes effort to put everything back in place, piece by piece... and then after all that is done, one still needs to hold it all together otherwise it'll just fall apart again.

it took effort, but i made it.
i found positivity by the second week, and i held on to it tightly... not only because i know that i need to stay out of the negative zone (in order to avoid experiencing dysfunction in my daily life), but also because i know that i need to be there for certain people... friends who need me.

selfish as it sounds, i had the initial belief that during this period, my friends would be the ones there for me. bros whom i could lean on, people who would support me and give me the reason to keep looking up. i never expected that i would be the pillar that they would lean on instead; i never thought that the roles would be reversed in this manner.
but i tried my best. i stayed strong, perhaps under the self-delusion that i could do it, and that this would be the role i needed to play. after all, they needed the support more than i did... and without me, how would they tide through this period? i couldn't possibly let them down... no, i wouldn't.
i had to help them, and be there for them, amongst my own personal fight.

but then again, even the strongest pillars have their weight limits...
all pillars do.

so unfortunately, i don't think that my pillar is going to be able to stand much longer.
in fact, it feels like i'm only pretending to be strong when the reality is i cannot carry two loads on my own.

furthermore, the truth is, whenever i'm there as a bro and trying my best to help, my efforts just get pushed away or ignored as a result of the opposite party's reclusion. and yet, during the desperate moments, the calls and pleas come in, all of which i cannot possibly turn down.
8 years of friendship isn't for nothing. there's an unspoken responsibility to rise in aid whenever the time calls for it. but there's no way i can help if the other person isn't going to accept it.

right now i feel a little tired of it all and i have this urge to just throw in the towel. honestly, i'm considering giving up at this point, i really am. it really is difficult enough on my side, and i'm frustrated that even though i'm sincerely concerned and always ready to stretch out my hand to help, there isn't much effort to even reach for it.

i ask myself whether i should abandon these efforts altogether, and just retreat into my own fortress for now, holding up inside like how rohan did at helm's deep.

and perhaps i should. take the time off, focus on my own defenses.
after all, it would be highly unwise to send the forces out to aid allies when the base isn't even secure.

yet, when the beacons are lit, one can't help but have the feeling that rohan will answer again, when gondor calls for aid.

the battle of morannon

sometimes it's better to keep silent than to tell others how you feel.

because it hurts badly when you come to know that, although they can hear you,

they cannot understand you.

jet lag

today i finally tore down the daily letter numbered 125, which means that it has been 10 days so far (cue i miss you by incubus).

i'm glad to say that as we move into the double-digits zone, things are starting to look up.
the photos i've uploaded below clearly depict this in an analogous visual fashion - picture 1 was snapped last week, while picture 2 was taken today.

Picture 1

Picture 2

while in the shower just now, i've decided firmly that i'm gonna' get through this.

and even though it may be tough...
i know very clearly what it is, that i want for the future.

all this will be worth it in the end.

what time is it where you are?

i miss you more than anything

i'm back at home, you feel so far

waitin' for the phone to ring

it's getting lonely living upside down

i don't even wanna be in this town

tryna' figure out the time zone's making me crazy

you say good morning, when it's midnight

going out of my head, alone in this bed

i wake up to your sunset

and it's driving me mad

i miss you so bad

and my heart heart heart, is so jetlagged

i wanna share your horizon

and see the same sun rising

and turn the hour hand back to

when you were holding me