regrettables

[regrettables (econ.): consumption items that do not directly produce utility]

it's true that psychologists cannot read minds.

no one can for that matter...

however, behaviour definitely speaks for itself.

the tell-tale signs are salient, conspicuous to the eye.

and having made my observations, i'll accept them.

honestly speaking, i'll feel sincerely sorry if what i've done in the past did not live up to standards.

one might deny implying that, but we're all entitled to our own opinions.

and similarly, i will respect the opinions of others, only hoping that in return they might respect mine.

furthermore, i believe that personally, i'd discharge my duties to the best of my abilities, and more specifically, at any point of time in the past, i would have made informed decisions and chose the best course of action that i deemed fit.

it may not always have been the best choices that i selected, but damn it no one can see into the future.

as long as we attempted to do the right thing in the best way possible, i think that would have been enough.

no one could ask for anything more than that.

either way, what's done is done and cannot be changed.

we all have our regrets in life.

but the only thing that matters is what we choose to do now.

hope this makes sense.

i wake up

it's a bad dream

no one on my side

i was fighting

but i just feel too tired

to be fighting

guess i'm not the fighting kind

wouldn't mind it

if you were by my side

but you're long gone

yeah, you're long gone now

dark rider

lately i've been experiencing a familiar feeling, one that was almost omnipresent during the entire course of my NS, and especially so during my time at 1SIR.

and i can't decide whether this is a good or a bad thing, but i suppose it doesn't matter.
every building needs its supporting pillars, otherwise how would the skyscrapers reach the clouds?
likewise, every rainbow 6 team of three needs two soldiers to cover the surroundings while the point-man picks off the enemies.
and of course, every good soccer team needs a good defensive four and 1 x solid defensive midfielder to do the dirty work in order for the front players to be able to work their flair + creativity.

in the end, it's really not we who are underneath, but what we do that defines us.

i only need to answer to myself.
to be satisfied with what i do as a person.
and to be deserving of my own respect.

first and foremost.

i've made my mistakes
i've seen my heart cave in
i got my scars
i've been to hell and back again
born for the blues skies
we'll survive the rain
born for the sunrise
we'll survive the pain

the sound of you and me

had a rather enlightening weekend?
with new insights regarding issues of maturity and fate.
being the bigger person and a better man.

but if we regard ourselves as mature then isn't that being childish in itself?
or when we wish not to have any expectations, is that an expectation in itself?
similarly, are we being naive to think that we're not naive?

these three are just a few of the many conundrums that continue to baffle me, but;
i seem to have a clearer and more stable view on life now.
which should come in handy now that schoolwork is kicking in and i'll need to get a good hold/grip on the important things in view.

we'll see how long this lasts though... :|

in other news, i had a really nice warm-ishy/cosy weekend at home.
lunch with the family and then homecooked dinner...
seeing my cousins, nephews and relatives, really put a fuzzy feeling inside of me.
appreciate moments like these.

are you there, putting all the words together
painting your new masterpiece
ocean air, carrying reminders of that
perfect pair we used to be
changing keys, giving up on me to find
familiar things, and try blending in
know this please; i will not forget the sound
of you and me, when we were friends


someday, everything ends
can we begin finding a way back before
we're too late
and lost in between
the truth and the dream
i've never been more ready to move on


bring walls down
hear all my sound
let me back in
love me again

personal hypocrisy

sometimes i think we self-convince ourselves that we're happy, in order to mask the fact that we're not.
a kind of personal hypocrisy if you ask me.
true story?

and you ask me what i want this year
and i try to make this kind and clear
just the chance that maybe we'll find better days


'cause i don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days


so take these words
and sing out loud

why georgia

i am driving 85 in the
kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom


four more exits to my apartment but
i am tempted to keep the car in drive
and leave it all behind


'cause i wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life


am i living it right?
am i living it right?
am i living it right?
why, why georgia, why?


so what so i've got a smile on
it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
don't believe me
don't believe me
when i say i've got it down

captain ________

in a movie that i watched yesterday, a special serum was used to enhance a man's capabilities.
and this man was chosen not because he was strong, but because he had good in his heart.

therefore, in this respect, not any ordinary person could be chosen.
because a selfish and coward person would only be amplified into a worse person.
but good would become great.

and that got me thinking.
what if it were me?
what would i become then, if i were amplified?

it's interesting how food for thought can make you hungry as well.
as burning curiosity fuels the hunger for an answer.

i guess it's luck but it's the same
hard luck, you've been trying to tame
maybe it's love, but it's like you said
"love is like a role that we play"


but i believe in you so much
i could die for the words that you say


you're chasing the ghost of a good thing
haunting yourself as the real thing
it's getting away from you again
as you're chasing ghosts


just bend the pieces till they fit
like they were made for this
but they weren't meant for this
no, they weren't meant for this

anti-rush

sometimes rushing in head-first can be a good thing.

like when you impulsively purchase the first pair of shoes that catches your eye, thereby saving you the torment of walking for a few hours searching for and comparing many many different pairs of shoes.
in a sense, it saves you a lot of headache and stressing over small little things... weighing all sorts of factors, overthinking, and trying to come to compromise and all that nonsense.

however, on many other occasions it's still better to wait things out, think things through and not make a reckless decision based on little information.

it has been a pensive night.
but at the end of the day i believe i'm still an advocate of anti-rush.
if you wanna' do it, then let's do it right, right?
or at the very least, be certain about it first.

"so give me reason, to prove me wrong." - linkin park


it's you to me, your gentle face
overdue, worth the wait
out of my reach, but i'm reaching out for you


and me to the night, i say goodbye
time is up, i fight the time
a needed award, i can't afford
a finished song, one more chord


and it's already in my mind
i'm in over my head inside
and it's already in my mind
inside, inside

food for thought

“here's a secret: i couldn’t see a damn thing either, buddy. i just kept driving forward, hoping for the best.”

one of the many memorable quotes i came across in himym...
but this one just struck me extra hard.

i guess sometimes we just gotta' have that little bit of undying faith.
good ol' positivity ftw.

comfort zones

why don't we always want to try new things?

do they make us uncomfortable?
because we're not used to them?
the differences, and the changes?

i guess it'd be nice to stay in our comfort zones forever.
that comfortable little zone demarcated by the yellow and black tape that we refuse to tread out of.
we know every inch of it, inside out.
everything that has to do with us and our lives.
that cozy little place where we can snuggle into and not care about the outside world.

sigh, but..
we always have to try new things, don't we?
to change the current.
and experience the new.
otherwise, life would just remain as it is.

we would never have grown up if we never took that first step.
the first time we fell... the first time we stood up for someone else.
our first day at school, at kindergarten (i wonder how many of us can remember)
all the trillions and gazillions of NEW things that we have tried; they make us who we are.

and they expand our comfort zones by a tad much every single time.

someone who has spent his or her whole life on an island, would never know anything beyond the horizon that they see.
they'd only know about coconut husks and palm trees.
no mangosteens, strawberries, nor vast fields of lavender.
no icy alps, glaciers, mountains, lakes, deers, goats, bears, sparrows.
no citylights, urban skylines, man-made reservoirs, towering skyscrapers.

and thus, we shouldn't confine ourselves to our islands.
we should try to gather wood and twine.
build a raft and sail out against the raging sea.
you and i both.

so perhaps i should take a shot at this, shouldn't i?
even though i won't know what it will hold..
but it just feels stupid to stay here and wonder what lies beyond that vast ocean.

i just might find something good.

she rolls the window down
and she, talks over the sound
of the cars that pass us by
and i don't know why
but she's changed my mind


would you look at her
she looks at me
she's got me thinkin' about her constantly
but she don't know how i feel
and as she carries on without a doubt
i wonder if she's figured out

a new life

school is starting once again.

so it's back to studies and all that shit.

getting textbooks, balloting for tutorials, having assignment deadlines, dealing with new projects and groupmates etc.

well, went for a chill run just now..

and as usual, being pensive and all, overthinking and everything..

(you know, 'cause people don't talk when they run)

when the gentle night breeze got me thinking about the wind.

the direction we face dictates whether we're going against the wind or not.

so we can either run against it, or run with it.

however, it occurred to me that, by theory of relativity, running against the wind always seems to feel that extra bit tougher than it actually is.

for example:

assume you're going at 50km/h.

and the breeze is going at 60km/h.

if you were running in the same direction as the wind, simple mathematical subtraction would tell you that you'll only feel the wind pushing you along at a speed of 10km/h.

however, if you were running against the wind, the wind would feel as if it were pushing against you at 110km/h.

yet, in both situations the speed of the wind and your own speed are exactly the same.

so does this explain why the grass always seems greener on the other side?

and why people always lament more than they rejoice?

perhaps it's because when the going gets tough, it always feels extra tough...

compared to when we have it easy, and it doesn't really seem that much easier... (just a little bit)

pardon the disorganization of this post...

i know it's quite unstructured and might not make much sense but i hope you know what i'm roughly talking about.

either way, i feel we should stop complaining so much...
it's just our minds playing tricks and forcing us to believe that things're so tough, when in actual fact they're just that little teeny bit of a challenge.

on the other hand, when we have it easy, we should be that extra bit thankful..
take a moment to step back and understand the true picture.
often, we are blinded and take such things for granted..
thus, we should learn to appreciate having these blessings whenever we can.

all in all, as year 2 begins to unfold, i hope to be practicing whatever i'm preach.
by realizing that things aren't always as tough as we make them out to be.
and to always be extra thankful for the good times.