orion's belt

"as a song-writer, what i'm looking for - a fine balance of finding the things that tear you up inside, then looking beyond those things to find hope."

 

i really like this description by jon foreman, lead singer of switchfoot.

today i recorded 2 of my songs.
the first one, streetlights, was written this week.
the second is titled orion's belt and it was written in february last year.
spent a few days on that one and the lyrics to it are down below.

 

each song tells a different story.

[verse 1+2]
the moon hangs from a thread of silk tonight
orion’s belt aligned with my cold insides
gazing up at the white dots amassed
upon a dark canvas, small glimmers at best
 

saturn spins slowly, into the night
gazing quietly upon my plight
nodding away, not speaking a word
unspoken desires, intangible hurt
 
[chorus 1]
stars colliding at electric pace
asteroids floating in outer space
my heart still feels as if it's light years away
will i ever see you again, someplace, someday?
 
[verse 3]
three years in galaxies unknown to me
into the massive voids nobody could see
i wish you were here with me all of the time
somebody to hold and claim as mine
 
[chorus 2]
meteors high above are falling from grace
plummeting into this oh lonesome place
my heart still feels as if it's light years away
will i ever see you again, someplace, someday?
 
[bridge + outro]
sound doesn’t travel through vacuum, it’s true
words that fail to escape me, for you
still, i’d be screaming for hours to come
this last song to describe how i’ve come undone
 
can you hear me?
can you hear me?
can you hear me?
can you hear me?
 
can’t you hear me?

chapter one

'any man is liable to err, but only a fool persists in error.' - cicero


a nice quote i picked up from reading krish's blog today.
it kinda' got me thinking about how often i re-make the same mistakes i've made.
and in that same sense, how often i avert them.

i remember tw asking me once (totally out of the blue):
"how often do you make mistakes? like, what is your frequency of making mistakes, or in a simpler sense, how many mistakes do you make per day?"
and it was really difficult to answer because there are just so many ways of defining the term 'mistake'.
in the end, i guess if we don't nitpick and include all the minor mundane daily acts of absentmindedness like forgetting to charge your ipod the previous night (would you count this as a 'mistake'?), then i suppose i don't really make mistakes too often.

perhaps it's because i overthink the outcomes of each and every scenario, and this could be a bad thing because we often find that the happiest people are the ones who are simpleminded and easily contented - the 'happy-go-lucky' bunch who don't fret nor regret.
or perhaps it's just 'cause i'm overly afraid of making mistakes?
desperately against being the 'fool' in cicero's quote?

who knows.
and then almost readily, another question would be "why?"
but that would double the length of this post so, nah.

oh and another thing: year 2 sem 1 ended today sigh...

(lol why the gloomy tone?)
well, at first all i thought about was the end, the holidays, the celebrating etc.
and sure as hell, it defo feels good that studying is fina-f*cking-lly over and the holidays are hereeeeeee!

but just like that... another semester passes by...
and honestly, i wish my uni life wouldn't go by so quickly  |:

all the stars are out tonight, it feels as though i might
make some sense out of this madness, will it turn out right?
who's to say where the wind will blow?
time will tell us if we're out of answers when it stops
climb back down to the beginning, take it from the top
who's to say where the wind will blow?

what happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground?
do you pick up the pieces all around?
and if the world should fall apart, hold on to what you know
take your chances, turn around and go

all the leaves are turning and the sky fades to gray
strange our life coincides with the seasons of today
who's to say where the wind will blow?

carry on, you say
bring the best of today
all i see is struggling on the way
maybe when the sun

crashes through the gray
i can find the strength to make it through the day

through the day

i'm no superman

here's part of 'superman' by lazlo bane.
hit me how the song was so apt while i was studying in sheares library today.
anyways, it's the last day of mugging for the sem! and for the year as well (:
oh and sidenote, this song really brings back memories from scrubs and secondary school days. (RMTA moment?)


you've crossed the finish line
won the race but lost your mind
was it worth it after all?


i need you here with me
'cause love is all we need
just take a hold
of the hand that breaks the fall


well i know what i've been told
gotta' break free to break the mold
but i can't do this all on my own
no i can't do this all on my own
i know that i'm no superman
i'm no superman


someday we'll be together
someday...
someday we'll be together
someday...

c'mon lads

it's been exactly 3 months since my injury...

daddy's back.

finding (n)emo

saw this on twitter:

知错能改。但如果连错都不知，那怎么办呢？

i guess this will simply be a test of my resilience.

in fact, everyday is a test of resilience... resilience of character.

the "choices" we make everyday and how truly we hold on to our principles.

all these constitute a never-ending test.

yet, at the end of every single day, i still don't feel totally happy with who i am.

there seems to be this inner turmoil where i don't agree with the things i do.

which is why there are things like P.I.P. and all the other crap i've thought of.

is this what they call 'finding yourself'?


really eagerly await the day where i feel absolutely at home with who i am.

chances

摸不到的顏色 是否叫彩虹?
看不到的擁抱 是否叫做微風?
一個人 想著一個人 是否就叫寂寞?

命運偷走如果 只留下結果
時間偷走初衷 只留下了苦衷
你來過 然後你走後 只留下星空

那一年我們望著星空 有那麼多的 燦爛的夢
以為快樂會永久 像不變星空 陪著我
這一片無言無語星空 為什麼靜靜 看我淚流
如果你在的時候 會不會伸手 擁抱我？

至少回憶會永久 像不變星空 陪著我
最後只剩下星空 像不變回憶 陪著我


a question that has resurfaced frequently in recent months:
would you give chance a try and risk failing, or not try at all and stick to not knowing?

perhaps now a better question would be:
when the likelihood of failure seems high, do you persevere or disengage?

seems like a complicated question, but the answer is actually pretty simple... to me at least.

it's just a matter of being able to wholeheartedly accept your own answer.

chances are we'll be the combination

chances come and carry me

chances are waiting to be taken

and i can see...

chances are the fascination

chances won't escape from me

chances are only what we make them

and all i need

she is the sunlight

if all the flowers faded away
and if all the storm clouds decided to stay
then you would find me each hour the same
she is tomorrow and i am today
'cause if right is leaving, i'd rather be wrong
she is the sunlight... the sun is gone


and if loving her is a heartache for me
and if holding her means that i have to bleed
then i am the martyr, and love is to blame
she is the healing and i am the pain
she lives in a daydream where i don't belong
she is the sunlight... and the sun is gone


and it will take this life of regret
for my heart to learn to forget
tomorrow will be as it always has been
and i will fall to her again
for i know... i've come too close
'cause if right is leaving, i'd rather be wrong
she is the sunlight... and the sun is gone


(sigh this song has always and will always take a special place in my heart)


in other news, looks like we're gonna' audition to play at hog's breath during the month of december and maybe january :| (there's a horizon smile for you)
yup, and hey jude is on our intended setlist! really 1 x timeless classic and i can't wait; hopefully we'll be able to transform and bring this oldie back to life
na na na nananana

2 bikes, 1 long journey

hopefully i'll get to do this someday (:

but i just wonder... who will be my companion on this journey?

dreams keep us going when life gets us down.

constant change

is change really the only thing that's constant?

a month back, i took a walk around j8 and realized they changed the floor tiles argh!
gone are those huge red green and white ones which bring back so clearly my childhood memories of jumping and navigating through the mall, avoiding the red tiles and only stepping on the green and white ones.
haha just like how we all used to navigate around the house without touching the floor? (can i get a hell yea)

snag la the world really moves forward at an undying pace...
technology can theoretically be blamed for all the shit that is happening today, if you think about it carefully...
of course i don't doubt that technology has brought with it many benefits and advantages, but i honestly don't know how the cost-benefit analysis would turn out. in fact, i'm not sure myself, whether i'd prefer a medieval life or the one i'm having right now.

think those of you who know me well often hear me complaining about people being late, sedentary lifestyles and all that crap.
it's so easy to purchase stuff and clothes online now, they just get delivered to your home. and this SIRI nonsense on the iphone really sums up how lazy people are becoming... lol really 1 x epitome.
it's just all too easy now and people are becoming useless maggots.
we create all these advancements in technology and in the end it's the people who are replaced right, so quit complaining about the damn unemployment rates.

lazy bums who aren't made to work for the things they get will never know what true satisfaction is, and they'd never learn how to appreciate the right things in life.

thus, staying in the rural places might be so much better i think.
people there are more contented without all the hustle and bustle of the city.
and we could go about planting our own food, trekking into the hills looking for flowers and berries, swimming in the turquoise-coloured lakes, cycling along long winding never-ending gravel tracks...
cool to think what it was like to chill out back in the olden days, lying by the streams and lakes and pondering the vastness of the universe.

i'd like to have that lifestyle sometime.

(:

love hurts

i had a dream today.

in the dream, we were in a group, and someone was showing us pictures of navy crew on board a ship.
the story was that one of the crew had been constantly haunted by a female spirit, and they were showing us how she often appeared in photos of him.
she would be behind him, next to him, and even lying beside him when he was sleeping.
her postures were eerie, and so was her face.

however the thing was, as i looked on, it only started to seem like i was looking at myself.
although i couldn't see the face of the man (it was blurred out for some reason), i was pretty certain it was kinda' me in a way.
then when the presenter explained the underlying background to the story, i was completely sure that the man wearing the blue navy uniform in those photographs, was me.

after that realization within the dream, the face of the female ghost kept flashing out at close proximity, coming nearer and nearer to me each time.
i panicked and called out for my mom.
and she came, entering my room... and suddenly the scene had switched into one similar to what would happen when i was young: i'd have a nightmare and mom would come into the room and tell me it was only a dream.

however, in this dream, she came in and asked me why i was still calling out for her. and she explained how it has already been so long...
so why was i still thinking about such things?
with that, she left the room and i woke.

i can only deduce that my subconscious revealed itself in my dream.
obviously, i have been hiding all these thoughts and feelings deep down inside.
and the true question that has surfaced now is, why?
i know it has been quite some time already, yes.
and i know that i should be moving on, for it is only foolish to keep dwelling on the past... but it seems like i'm still stuck there.

all i can say is i really just want to be able to start anew.
they say everyone's gonna hurt you eventually so you gotta find those who are worth it.
but i ask, is there really any one such person?
someone who will truly be worth the pain?

somehow this annoying unwavering stupid flicker of a hope in me always burns yes.

sigh.


tonight we drink to youth
and holding fast the truth
don't wanna lose what i had as a boy
my heart still has a beat
but love is now a feat
as common as a cold day in L.A.


sometimes when i'm alone i wonder
is there a spell that i am under
keeping me from seeing the real thing?


love hurts
but sometimes it's a good hurt
and it feels like i'm alive
love sings
when it transcends the bad things
out of heartache, try me
'cause without love i won't survive

earth, our home

i'm in love with mother nature...

really.

the silent lightning tonight was truly truly breathtaking.
also known as heat lightning, when i spotted the white flashes at level 6, i immediately went up to the rooftop.
and once i was there, it was just a matter of standing there and letting the lightshow captivate me.
really really awesome, the sky lighting up in flashes of white, illuminating the entire horizon, outlining the silhouettes of the clouds, and those crazy electric lines streaking across the sky, sometimes fanning out in spectacular fashion...
it just rooted to me the spot and made me not want to go back to my room.

i swear i don't know what my reaction would be if i ever get the chance to witness the northern lights. i bet the colours of the aurora would just blow me away.


i'm in love with mother nature
if i don't find the one, i'd fall for her

cheers and snag

since ris low can invent new words&phrases like boomz, shingz, lehperd prinxxx, zskbra, rreehhhhd, laoood, and hospiti$nil#th*d@bility...
i think i shall invent a new word/phrase too. hahaha

OH SNAG

yes i know SNAG stands for sensitive new age guy.
but from this day forth, i hereby pronounce it an acronym, which means you can just use it as a word (and not have to go S-N-A-G.)

it can be used to replace the expletive "f***", thereby reducing individual vulgar-levels, and is most commonly used in the form of "oh snag."

the next time you reach hall and realize you forgot to bring your laptop with you, remember not to say "oh f***!"

"oh snag" is kinda' like a disappointed and sad "oh shit" meaning.
much like when you buy a lollipop with the intention of giving it to the poor little kid you visit every week at the orphanage, and then on sunday when you enter his room and he breaks into a wide smile upon noticing your arrival... in that split second, you realize you forgot to bring the present that you promised him last week, and your heart sinks... "oh snag."

haha hen sian i hoped i entertained you for a bit there.
as with life, there are always ups and downs, pluses to go alongside the minuses.

so here's something else i came up with:
(B)(Y)
CHEERS

if you type it in msn it comes out like this:

(just imagine the hand emoticon overlapping the beer one slightly)

[edit made at 2:55am, 7 Nov 11]

omfg look what nathong found!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx0fy-9NWFg

AND I HAD FUCKING CRAB BEEHOON THIS MORNING

lost in orbit

an original composition, written in under an hour's time last night.
for now, restricted to visual enjoyment only 'cause it's still in the process of some further refining and editing...
so stay tuned.


[cut 1: recorded on 3 Nov 2011, 3am]

laying, laying barebacked beneath
stayin', awake through the breeze
and we're lying, underneath the soul
of the moonlight, all that glitters is not gold

and i know, we've fought too hard this war
for too long, for too far, we've walked

so why don't you trust me
why don't you
don't you believe me
when i said i'd be with you
oooh till the sky caves down
and the sun burns out
i'll be here
i'll be here

and we're trying, we've been trying all this while
but i'm tired, we never made it far
in the distance, i see the future dim
in the distance, all i see is emptying
yeaahh

so why don't you trust me
why don't you
don't you believe me
when i said i'd be with you
oooh till the sky caves down
and the sun burns out
i'll be here
i'll be here

yeaahh why would i lie about the universe?
the sun, the moon, the stars, and those eyes of hers
ohh i would fall, so hard
like a shooting star would part
from the spaceland, to strike the wasteland
that is my heart

i am sinking
i am sinking
i am sinking
down, down, down
i am sinking
i am sinking
i am sinking
down, down, down

and i see no return
no coming back from the cold
falling hard, falling fast
down this black hole
down this unknown

the trust issue

i hate it when people don't trust me.
lie to you for what?

sigh i believe this issue does not need further explanation.

but just a side-thought...
could it be me?
the way i speak or put my messages across?
sonofa____ i don't know man.

musings.


we're only taking turns
holding this world
it's how it's always been
when you're older, you will understand


and then again maybe you don't
and then again maybe you won't


oooooh

fleeting memories

memories can sometimes be beautiful things, albeit sad.

as i was entering block c just now at 4 plus in the morning, there was a particular smell that brought to mind the exact same smell i used to experience when i was at pasir laba camp going through BSLC.

and then i remembered the time i lost my handphone one sunday as i was on the way to book in.

i remember how i frantically took the train back to city hall to look for it.

i remember how i asked the control station if they could help me by using the cctv.

i remember the station staff lending me their telephone to make a phonecall.

and that night i borrowed my buddy's phone to use.

i seem to remember every detail so clearly, and all the feelings associated with that eventful night.

and i really miss it all.

even though now there is no way of ever going back to that time, it just somehow seems so beautiful to be able to remember it all. like a well-kept videotape from the 1960s which plays back a film from the olden days... and one would just sit and marvel at how it is even able to do so.

just so amazingly beautiful.

幾次真的想让自己醉

让自己远离那许多恩怨是非

让隱藏已久的渴望隨风飞

喔忘了我是誰

男人若沒人愛多可悲

就算是有人听我的歌会流淚

我还是真的期待有人陪

何必在乎我是誰？